Temptation Unleashed

Tantra Chair Review

2006-05-11T01:28:00.000-06:00

After months of anticipation, I was very fortunate to receive a Tantra Chair of my very own last week.

I want to say a few words about my experience ordering the chair before we get into the good parts.

My first contact with Al Vitaro (the CEO of Zen By Design, and designer of the Tantra Chair) was after he left a comment on one of my former blogs regarding a post I had written about his product.

I e-mailed him a reply and thanked him for his comment, and from there we became good friends in the online sort of sense.

When it came time to order my chair he provided some of the best customer service I've ever encountered. Any questions or e-mails were answered promptly and completely, usually within 24 hours. The new Artemis Chair was developed while my chair was being built and he immediately offered me the choice to switch chair styles if I preferred.

I requested that I pay the shipping COD, and even though it was not what they normally do, he went out of his way to organize it all for me. He also let me know well in advance what the shipping charges would be.

While I was having the chair cleared through customs he kept in touch via e-mail in case I needed any help with anything, and since receiving my chair he has contacted me a few times to see how I am enjoying it.

Truly, I could not have asked for a better experience in dealing with the company.

The chair arrived last week and MJ and I decided that the best place for it would be our bedroom. After all, I picked the wood color and fabric so that it would match the decor of our bedroom.

The chair itself is as gorgeous as it is functional. The gentle arcs remind me of the curves of a woman's body, and it truly begs to be sat upon, or touched, or utilized for pleasure. The silk brocade fabric is soft and slippery, adding to the wonderful tactile experience of sitting on the chair.

It is actually very comfortable just as a chair. I like to sit on it now when I am talking on the phone. My kids love climbing all over it and MJ and I joke that we might have to order the Artemis chair (essentially a slightly smaller version) for them to play on.

I know a little bit about woodwork and general construction of furniture so I can vouch for how well made this chair is. I have no doubt that it will last my lifetime and beyond, although the cushion may have to be replaced at some point. The chair is very solid, and I am totally impressed with the craftsmanship.

Ours is the maple wood and the black silk brocade. It is really the most beautiful piece I have ever owned.

I am sure what you really want to know is what it's like for sex.

Well, let me tell you, this chair is the most fantastic thing to happen to sex since...well pretty much since sex was invented.

We started off with MJ sitting in the crook of the chair, with his back against the larger arc. I straddled his waist, my feet resting comfortably on the floor. In that position there is no strain on the ankles or knees like you might find with being on top on a bed. You are sitting at the same height as you would in a regular chair, you can bounce easily without any strain on your joints. That position was really lovely.

Next we tried reverse cowgirl, MJ staying in the same spot and me turning around and straddling him again. It was nice to be able to lean forward and support myself on the smaller arc. It sort of turned into a hybrid position of reverse cowgirl and doggie style. I was able to either bounce up and down, or rock forwards and back for two totally different sensations.

After a little of that, MJ turned around so that he way laying back on the small arc, and I was facing away from him with my chest against the big arc, straddling his crotch in another variation of reverse cowgirl. WOW! That felt incredible :) It was very comfortable and I was able to wrap my arms somewhat around the larger arc for extra leverage.

We decided to try some positions where MJ was standing. First I lied on my back on the big arc and wrapped my legs around Jacks waist as he stood in front of me. It felt a little awkward at first, since I was afraid of sliding backwards off the chair and onto my head, LOL. MJ held onto my hands and started thrusting and oh my gawd! I think the fact that I was hanging onto him sort of added to the intimacy with the trust that he would not let me fall. He liked it a lot as well of course ;).

Next I bent over the large arc and he took me from behind. I crossed my ankles and lifted my feet off the floor so that they were sort of against MJ's butt while he fucked me. It was actually really fantastic! We finished off in that position and then laid back in awe.

I mean really, it doesn't get much better than that!

As for cleaning, since I imagine the more practical people would be curious about how easy the silk is to clean, it was simple. When we were finished I took a soft cloth and wet it, then gently dampened the areas where bodily fluid was left. Then I took a small drop of liquid laundry detergent and wiped the areas with it, not rubbing it in, just giving a quick surface wipe. Then I used a clean damp cloth to wipe it down again, and let it dry. It was easy to clean and didn't leave any spots or marks behind. I would be hesitant to get any lubricant on the chair, as I don't know if it would stain. But normal bodily fluids should not be an issue.

I just adore my Tantra Chair. Just looking at it makes me smile. I know that we will enjoy it over and over for many years to come.

I will recommend this chair to everyone I know, particularly people who practice Tantric Sex, as it makes prolonged lovemaking more comfortable. It is a significant investment, but one that I personally feel is worth while.

Interview With Al Vitaro

2006-05-10T23:22:00.000-06:00

Al was kind enough to answer some questions for me about the Tantra Chair, which I thought would be if interest to my readers.

The Tantra Chair is designed to enhance a very wide variety of sexual positions. How exactly did the entire Tantra Chair concept occur to you?

The concept for the Tantra Chair occurred to me because I wanted to create an art form that would encourage the sacred positions of the Kama Sutra. Sexuality and sexual experiences are an amazing and beautiful part of our human existence and I wanted to create a furniture design that would honor and enhance this perspective. I wanted to bring the attention away from the superficial sexual experience back into the sacred, more spiritually intimate experience. Tantric Sex is a vehicle for awakening the spirit. It is an honorable, loving and liberating path that everyone should experience in their lifetime.

The Tantra Chair is such a unique piece of furniture. What was your inspiration for the design?

The inspiration for the actual physical design was very simple. I am a stone sculptor and one of my favorite subjects has been the female body. My experience with this translated directly into the Tantra Chair. I created the Tantra Chair inspired by the beauty and elegance of the female form.

Without revealing an company secrets, can you tell me a bit about the process of crafting one of these chairs?

Absolutely.

The process for creating these chairs is very interesting and I happy to share with you. The Tantra Chair is actually hand crafted out of very thick wood which is a very time consuming process. Although we make many Tantra Chairs at one time, it takes us approximately two weeks from start to finish. This is a very expensive way to create this piece but I do not want to sacrifice the quality in any possible way. To this day, we have yet to have an unsatisfied customer and we continually sell these pieces all over the world.

Some people are skeptical about how easy the silk brocade upholstery is to keep clean. Any thoughts or advice on that?

This is very understandable. The reason we use the silk brocade is because it cleans very easily and shows absolutely no wear and tear over the years. Normal bodily fluids should not be a problem. If by chance a seat cushion is ruined, we have replacement cushions readily available at a minimal cost. Although, we are working on a washable cover to use during intimacy to protect some of the velvet and chenille fabrics that we have recently brought into the line.

Do you really have to know anything about Tantric Sex to enjoy these chairs?

This is a difficult question to answer accurately but I would have to say no. The design of this chair actually puts your body in unique positions in a comfortable manner. The Tantra Chair naturally changes pelvic angles during intercourse which greatly enhances the physical pleasure for both men and women. If you do practice Tantric Sex, I think you will appreciate this design even more.

Just out of curiosity, do you practice Tantric Sex yourself?

Of course. There is no other way for my wife and I.

Are there any plans to produce a book or manual of positions to go with the chair, or will you just leave it up to the creativity of your customers?

We have created the DVD to help give people ideas but honestly, we do not touch on a fraction of the possibilities. Our customers write in frequently telling us of new positions they have just discovered...some of them I never even imagined. It is really interesting...the possibilities seem endless. Women especially enjoy the comfort of the Tantra Chair as they are propelled into a position of control. The unique width of the chair allows the woman to control the depth and angle of penetration in most cases. This creates so many possible positions that it is difficult to illustrate all of them.

You just developed the Artemis Chair. How is this chair different than the Tantra Chair?

The Artemis is machine crafted which helped us to lower the retail cost on this particular piece. It is very similar to the Tantra Chair but the Artemis is 5 ft long instead of 6 ft long. The Artemis has very similar arcs and angles and can be used in much the same way as the Tantra Chair. We use the finest Baltic birch wood to create the Artemis which also helps us to keep the cost down. The main difference between the two chairs is the length and the cost. The quality is very comparable.

Are there any new furniture pieces in development? If so, can you tell me anything about it?

I always have new designs in the works and you can see most of them at www.zenbydesign.com

How can I get hired as a product tester, LOL?

Just ask us :)

For my own personal curiosity, what are your feelings on polyamory and plural marriage?

Honestly, my thoughts on polyamory and plural marriage are actually thoughts of great appreciation. I feel that if two people are evolved enough to look at the bigger picture of life, polyamory can make a great deal of sense. I can deeply connect to the understanding of plural marriage. Being a Buddhist, we are very open to everything and come from a place of non judgment. I see everything as an expression of eternity and whatever it is, it is

I'm Not One To Stay In The Closet

2006-03-16T15:15:00.000-07:00

Fuck It, I don't care what anybody thinks. I'm gonna let ya'll in on what's been happening with MJ and I.

After what happened with B in November MJ and I got to talking. We thought and talked and talked some more.

And then we decided to try having an open marriage.

And actually, we still are, except it's sort of evolved into a polyamorous relationship since I have become semi-seriously involved with another man. I'm in love with MJ as much as ever, I am just also in love with K.

And I've been keeping a blog all about it for months now.

I might as well refer you there to get the whole story. I have the blog set up so that every post shows up on the one page. Just scroll down to the bottom and start there, no need to sift through archives and all that.

I know that some of you will be surprised, and some of you will likely not understand. But it works for us, and that's all that matters. This blog has suffered because MJ and I have pretty much put the whole D/s thing aside completely while this other side of our lives has been developing.

Anyway, go see for yourself: Stiletto Diaries

Feel free to comment about it here or there, if you wish to share your thoughts on this.

Maybe I Should Write To PostSecret...

2006-03-07T17:09:00.000-07:00

Wow, three weeks, has it been that long?

This poor little blog. Once so exciting, now just collecting cobwebs in it's dusty corner of the internet.

I haven't felt much like blogging here. Nothing especially kinky has happened in my house in quite some time.

The truth is I have been keeping a really huge secret from everyone here, and I am still not sure if I am ready to share it. It is partially to blame for the lack of blogging, because I feel like a liar for not telling the truth about it and writing here as if it isn't happening.

I don't know that I can share it with you all yet, I just wanted to know that I am still around, and that we are all healthy and happy and nothing horrible has happened.

Thank you for continuing to check this blog and my sincere apologies at neglecting my readers and myself really. Don't give up on my blog, it isn't dead yet, just hibernating for a while.

Hugs and Kisses to All!

Happy Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T10:37:00.000-07:00

I wish each and every one of my readers a fantastic day, and remember that I love all of you!!!

Q. and A. Part Four

2006-02-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

Tell us about your most powerful orgasm.

Your first orgasm, how that happened.

The first time you masturbated to orgasm.

Weeeeeeeeeeeell.

I would have to say that my most powerful orgasm (thus far) occurred the first time that MJ succeeded in fisting me. There are just no adequate words to describe how it felt.

For your next question, I will assume you meant the first orgasm I had with another person, seeing as your next question is about my first solo orgasm. Anyway, my first orgasm with another person was with my first long-term boyfriend, while he was performing oral sex on me. By that time I had already been masturbating for the better part of five years, so it really wasn't a big shocking thing for me, LOL.

The first time I masturbated to orgasm I was probably 11 or 12. I don't remember exactly how I managed it, but afterwards I remember thinking "wow, what the hell was that?" and then "I wanna do that again!!"

And just so everyone knows, I am totally enjoying this whole answering questions thing!!! Hope you are too ;)

Q. and A. Part Three

2006-02-08T08:47:00.000-07:00

How much experimenting did you do before you found that "one thing" that makes your teeth sweat?

Wow, hard to say. The first challenge for me is to think of the "one thing". See, so very many things 'make my teeth sweat' as it were, that narrowing it down to just one is rather difficult.

Things such as the sound of a belt being pulled out of the loops of his pants. Or when he grabs me in the kitchen and whispers in my ear all the wonderfully dirty things he wants to do to me.

Being young as I am, I guess it didn't take me too long, and as time passes and MJ and I continue to explore, there will undoubtedly be a lot more things added to the list that really get my motor running.

Q. and A. Part Two

2006-02-03T08:26:00.000-07:00

I have a question. I'm a regular reader, and know you have come into your 'kink' fairly young in life. In my experience, most like-minded people will develop it over time. I wonder if there are events, or elements from your earlier life, be they sexual or not, which you now look back upon and think were significant in terms of the appeal of submissiveness

Wow, that's one to make me think :) I reflected upon this quite a lot when I was first learning about BDSM, power exchange, etc. I have to admit, my desire for submission came as quite a surprise to myself, since I have always had such a dominant personality in my vanilla life.

I also think that the singular reason I have come to this place in life (so far as my kink goes) is because of the internet. I didn't really realize that I was submissive until I started chatting at BDSM sites/etc. I was able to read so much information, and put a name to my desires.

When I think back on it, submission just felt so natural to me that I never gave it a second thought. I just embraced it and learner as much as I could about the lifestyle and looked for like-minded people to talk to.

I don't know that there were any significant events that stand out in my earlier life. I started learning about BDSM so early (16) that perhaps that in itself was a significant event.

Thank you very much for this question :) I love questions that make me think!

Q. and A. Part One

2006-02-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

Do you find that there are certain months of the year that your sex life simply drops to near nothing as does your interest in sex? Corrolary, what season is the hottest/coldest for you sexually speaking?

Hmmmm... I don't know if there are certain months necissarily. My sex drive has been pretty consistent lately. I suppose it really has more to do with how I'm feeling personally (when I am depressed my sex drive becomes non-existant).

I pretty much like having sex all year round!

Thanks for your question :)

I'm NOT On Hiatus, I Swear!

2006-01-29T13:59:00.000-07:00

Oh my GAWD has it ever gotten boring around here.

Pathetic is an even better word for it.

I am making this public apology to myself and to this sad little blog and to all the people that click here every day and see...nothing new!

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY INTERESTING TO SAY LATELY!

I've just been feeling... BLAH, about the whole blogging thing.

JeN, I promise you that my review of the Colin Farrell Sex Tape is going to get posted, sooner rather than later.

But other than that glimmering light at the end of this stagnant tunnel... I got nuthin.

So I am begging you, all of you who read this blog. For the love of God and interesting things to read, leave a comment and ask me a question. It can be ANY question on earth, silly, stupid, pointless, thoughtful, I don't care I'll take anything.

And in the coming days I will give you all the answers, and hopefully we can all be entertained.

I can't believe it has come to this, LOL. Take pity on me and leave a question.

Happy Anniversary!!!

2006-01-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

Just the other day MJ and I celebrated the 4th anniversary of our entrance into wedded bliss.

4 years

1,461 days

35,064 hours

2,103,840 minutes

or

126,230,400 seconds

Thus far being with MJ has far and wide exceeded all expectations I had of marriage. I never thought it would be this good. I wouldn't say I have been waiting for it to go downhill, but statistics on divorce and separation in this country are not really very encouraging. Not to mention the kinds of marriages I have been exposed to through most of my life.

As far as I can tell it just keeps getting better...

MJ, thank you for being my husband, and for choosing me to be your wife. You make me happier than I ever thought possible, and I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you. I only hope that I have made you as fulfilled and complete as you have made me. I love you.

YAWN

2006-01-18T10:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it still gets me. The restless inability to get to sleep. Insomnia. I used to suffer from it so bad I had to go on sleeping pills. Eventually it went away on its own.

Once in a while it comes back to visit me, and I am left tossing and turning into the wee hours of the morning. My brain tries hard to occupy itself which usually serves to keep sleep away longer. I stare at the clock and think about all manner of bizarre things.

Last night desperation set in and I even tried masturbating to tire myself out. I got a mediocre orgasm out of it and I still couldn't sleep. 2:00am stretched into 4:00am and when I last looked at the clock it was nearly 5:00 in the morning.

Of course by the time I got to sleep it is nearly time to get up for the day. My kids aren't late sleepers and they don't take no for an answer when they come to get me out of bed. No naps for me.

So now I am drinking coffee and gearing up for one of those days.

I know this post is totally pointless, LOL, but at this point I don't care at all.

Rummaging Through The Archives

2006-01-17T18:18:00.000-07:00

I wasn't tagged by anyone, but I found this entertaining, and so decided to just do it because I wanted to.

1. Go to your blog archive
2. Find the 23rd post
3. Find the 5th sentence
4. Post the text of the sentence in a blog entry along with these instructions
5. Tag five other people

From my 23rd post, 5th sentence:

He used the little strap on me, the floggers, and finally one of my favorite implements, the steel-core paddle.

Woohoo!

Not going to tag anyone, since I got called a bitch last time and told that no matter what one of my tagees was not going to do the thing! (LOL, I love you guys anyway). It's kind of a cool exercise though, so if you feel the need, please do it on your blog and let me know!

My Very Favorite Quote From A Book...

2006-01-11T13:52:00.000-07:00

From SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman (there's a link to said book in my right sidebar)

... "Lets say you take your girlfriend into the woods, bind her hands behind her back, tear open her blouse, and force her onto her knees to suck your cock while you have one hand jammed into her hair and another holding a doubled-over, heavy belt."...

Anyone wanna got for a walk in the woods with me?

Let The Orgy Of Weirdness Begin...

2006-01-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

I have been tagged by Gabby to do one of those wretched list things (LOL, just kidding, and much love to you for the tag. I always feel left out if no one tags me :P)

"Here are the rules: The first player of this game starts with the topic and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don't forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says 'You are tagged!' (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours. The following may not be weird to you but they are to somebody."

Weird... well, if you must know, here are the top five things about myself that others might consider 'weird':

1. I always smell my milk before I drink it. I mean compulsively. In a restaurant, at other peoples houses, everywhere. It doesn't matter if I just sniffed it 5 minutes ago and then put it back in the fridge, I will smell it again just to make sure that it didn't suddenly go rotten in that short period of time.

2. Strange things make me feel sick to my stomach. One time I was doing something in the kitchen and I noticed a wet piece of lint (like from the dryer) in the drain trap. I looked at it and got that queasy feeling, and yup you guessed it, threw up three times right there. I was pregnant at the time, so I was probably overly sensitive to the sick feeling, but come on, it was a piece of lint! I also get a kinda sick feeling when I see someone spit, or think of spit in general. If I really put a lot of thought into what exactly was happening in my mouth while swapping spit with MJ, I would probably vomit on the spot.

3. I usually brush my teeth while I am in the shower.

4. I think that potatoes are possibly the most revolting food on earth. I only eat them as french fries, chips, or as filling for perogies. Once I ate them mashed when I was drunk and hungry. I only cook them for MJ on special occasions.

5. I think that porn is horrible and degrading, but I still enjoy watching it with MJ.

So there you go. See, I'm not weird...

For this lovely meme, I tag the following victims:

Amber, Swan, Padme & Anakin, and Jen

A Different Kind Of Tummy Ache

2006-01-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

Ever cum so hard that your stomach hurt afterwards?

That was me about 15 minutes ago, my tummy still aches.

*Wanders off grinning like a complete fool*

Cheers!

Just An Update

2006-01-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

In case anyone was starting to wonder, all is well in the House of MJ and Temptation. We have just been busy, and I had company most of the week so was too busy visiting to blog.

We had a nice quiet New Years and have mostly just been taking it easy around here. Not too much excitement happening, although I really enjoyed my visit with my friend. She and I went to high school together and we haven't seen each other in ages, although we talk on the phone practically every day. My kids LOVE her to death, and now she is planning to move even closer to us to be with her boyfriend, so hopefully I will see more of her this year.

Other than that things have been uneventful. Christmas was good although by the end I was glad to be home (we were away most of the holidays visiting family). The kids got spoiled rotten and I am still trying to find places to put their gazillion new toys.

MJ spoiled me too, he got me a new blender *makes guttural throat noise to express how powerful said blender is* and some other nice gifts. I love getting new appliances!

I got him a little T.V. for his den so that he can escape from watching the dreaded Wiggles, LOL!

Anyway, I will hopefully get back into the full swing of blogging in the next few days. I have a few posts wondering around in my brain so I will try to find some time to get a couple of them on here. Until then I hope everyone is happy and healthy and has a great weekend!

Sugar N Spice And Everything Nice (Or Naughty)

2005-12-31T00:39:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recently started up a website that sells adult sex toys and other fun novelties. They have some great products, and I am always enthusiastic to support local businesses (especially if it is run by a very cool friend of mine, LOL).

So, head over to Sugar N Spice and take a look. Buy something nice for your lover! Valentine's Day is coming you know.

Bloggasm #14

2005-12-30T13:40:00.000-07:00

Brought to you by Sugarbank

Sorry it's late everyone, I was away for Christmas!

Bloggasm #14

The best of the blogs by the bloggers who blog them. This week starting with the letter 'T'.

Things That Make Me Go MMMmmm... (temptation-unleashed.blogspot.com)

The Personal Touch... (shaysexcolumn.blogspot.com)

Unrecovered memories (realadultsex.com)

What do you taste like? (lumpesse.com)

An Ass Licking (sexinga.blogspot.com)

Airport (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)

Caveat Anal (mzemily.vixenblogs.com)

Condom statue angers Catholics (sexblo.gs)

Dumped by a Client (radicalvixen.com)

Forgiveness (nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com)

Fun to be Bound, Bound to be Fun - 'Seduction' (chaosnoir.blogspot.com)

I'm proud... (pornster.blogspot.com)

In need (mnsss.blogspot.com)

In the Beginning (deliacd.com)

London Calling (theholidaylife.blogspot.com)

Moonlight and Fucking (tastytrixie.com)

Not Picky About Porn (damnjezebel.com)

Podnography #17 - Coed strippers, Wikipedia and Katie's big O (podnography.com)

Reach Out and Touch Someone (anyonesgirl.blogspot.com)

Should I? (whatsexmaycome.blogspot.com)

Smooth as a... (cherryboudoir.com)

StoryTime: coming to work (secretbrain.blogspot.com)

Lovingly policed by Sabrina Morgan

Things That Make Me Go MMMmmm...

2005-12-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

I returned to bed, having just assured our oldest child that in fact there were no monsters in our house. It was the wee hours and I assumed that my darling husband was still fast asleep. Little did I know that he was just waiting silently in the darkness for his unsuspecting prey to return...

I slid between the covers and before I even had time to settle in his arms were around me and his mouth was gently sucking one of my nipples. I arched into him, whimpering softly, his unexpected attentions being a very wonderful surprise in the middle of the night. Spontaneity is nearly always quite the aphrodisiac for me, and last night was no exception.

He licked and kissed and sucked my nipples while I writhed and moaned in his arms. He ran one hand over my skin, reaching between my legs and rubbing my pussy, which was already quite wet with anticipation. I groaned and humped his hand, wordlessly begging him for more.

He nudged my legs apart so that he could have better access to me. I offered up no resistance, and soon he was working his fingers into my eager cunt. He whispered in my ear that I was his dirty whore, he asked me if I was a filthy slut and all I could do was whimper yes. He had me rub my clit while he fingered me, my other hand stroking his hard cock

He told me to cum for him, and I did, bucking my hips, my entire body spasming. The waves of pleasure were intense, and lasted longer than average for me. My pussy clenched his fingers as I twisted and groaned. He tried to coax a second orgasm out of me, but I didn't think that I could manage it.

I was still feeling horny, although in a less urgent way. I wanted his cock in me, I love how it feel pushing into my pussy. We kissed, and I slid one leg over him and wriggled up until I was laying on top of him, straddling his waist. Slowly, I lower myself onto him, inch by inch. He groaned and thrust his hips up, but I wanted to make him wait. When I had taken his entire cock I started rocking back and forth, his dick sliding in and out of me. I clenched my muscles around him and was met with an approving moan.

He grabbed my hips and urged me to go faster, and harder. It felt incredible, his cock was going into me so deep, I was actually surprised that it didn't hurt, but for whatever reason it just felt amazing.

MJ was thrusting his hips up to meet me, his grunts becoming louder, I could tell that he was getting close. I rocked my hips harder, I was panting like I had run a marathon. Finally he came and I collapsed onto the bed beside him.

Once we had both caught our breath and settled back down, we cuddled up together and fell asleep. This morning I had to really think to decide if it actually happened, or if it was just a very hot dream.

Happy Holidays!

2005-12-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

Just because I can, I decided to make myself a little wish list at Amazon. If you like, you can take a look at it by clicking on the gift box in my left sidebar.

I honestly do not expect anyone to buy me anything from it, LOL. But if by chance someone does, all I can offer you in return is my undying love and pictures of me wearing/using said gift.

Or, if you're into that sort of thing, I might be persuaded to send you a pair of my dirty underwear, LOL ;)

Anyway, I will [probably] be on hiatus from now until the first week in January. So, I wish all of my lovely readers very Happy Holidays. I hope that Santa brings you everything that you want :)

Another Shameless Stab At Traffic Whoring

2005-12-17T12:35:00.000-07:00

Hey, at least I'm honest about it ;)

Bloggasm #13

The best of the sex(y) blogs, by the bloggers who write them:

A Pregnant Pause (nakedloftparty.com)

Bend Over Boyfriend (sexinga.blogspot.com)

Can You Imagine (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)

Do my Wife (sexyshoessexy.blogspot.com)2

Foam and Lather (wilfuldamage.blogspot.com)

Full-On Naked Recovery (talkingdirty.blogspot.com)

Get Your BadAss Gear at JT's Stockroom (tirepaddle.com)

Idiots with Phones (mimredbeard.com)

In the Dungeon... [Pt. 1] (temptation-unleashed.blogspot.com)

Just say yes (realadultsex.com)

KitKast 1.10 (mskitka.com)

Law to require bathroom for transvestites (sexblo.gs)

Nice big human clinical thermometer (pornster.blogspot.com)

Party (anyonesgirl.blogspot.com)

Podnography #16 - A Video Sex Podcast (sugarbank.com)

Psycho Santa (chaosnoir.blogspot.com)

Remote Control (radicalvixen.com)

Santa's Naughty List Continued...(whatsexmaycome.blogspot.com)

StoryTime: The Layover (secretbrain.blogspot.com)

The Last I'll Say about the Saugreen Stripper (shaysexcolumn.blogspot.com)

The Perfect Gift (theholidaylife.blogspot.com)

The Shower (nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com)

The Violence of Love - The Pleasure of Pain (deltaofvenus.blogspot.com)

The Violence of Words (seska4lovers.com)

2005-12-17T00:52:00.000-07:00

I feel ugly right now.

No explanation really, I just do.

When I look in the mirror I don't see myself, I see a body that is strange to me, unfamiliar, alien.

I remember a time when I was happy with how I looked, but it seems so long ago, and I am not sure that I can ever get there again.

I'm too young for this shit

Fuck it, I'm going to bed to cry myself to sleep.

I am sure I will read this in the morning and wonder what the hell I was thinking.

Featured Smut Archives

2005-12-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

Note: If you wish to comment on a certain story, please do so in the comment box for this post. You may want to mention the name of the story in your comment so that we all know what you are talking about :)

Leash Journey by CherryCummins

The Ice Queen by The_Darkness

Featured Smut

2005-12-15T11:58:00.000-07:00

I am going to be adding a section [at the top of my right-hand sidebar] called Featured Smut. As often as possible I will be posting a link to a free erotic story from Literotica.

Literotica is one of our favorite sites for free erotica, and we are planning to pick and feature our favorite stories (I will be sure to indicate who picked the featured story, so that you know who to praise/blame, LOL).

I will also be archiving all of the linked stories onto one page so that you can browse past stories.

I hope that you will enjoy this new feature :)

This weeks Featured Smut:

Leash Journey by CherryCummins

In The Dungeon... [Pt. 1]

2005-12-09T11:55:00.000-07:00

The flickering candlelight danced across the wall creating eerie shadows upon the grey paint. The room was cool, but perhaps her goosebumps were not caused by the temperature. She was naked of course, save for the heavy collar around her delicate neck and the leather cuffs locked on her wrists and ankles. She fidgeted, wondering what was keeping him.

Footsteps in the other room.

He was coming for her.

Finally.

She shuddered; was it terror, or anticipation?

He came into the room and regarded her with a rather sinister grin. Her heart leapt into her throat and she looked at the floor, the wall, anywhere but at him. Not wasting any time, he stepped over beside her, and with one hand on the small of her back, pushed her against the wall. Her chest pressed onto the cold cement and she gasped softly, but did not dare protest. He didn't speak a word while he clipped her wrist cuffs to the rings that were bolted to the wall above her head. He bent down and fastened the ankle cuffs as well, leaving her spread eagle and completely helpless. Her breath came in rapid gasps as her anxiety grew; she heard him moving around behind her, and then a soft cloth came down over her eyes. She whimpered, her world plunged into darkness as he adjusted the blindfold. She began to wonder what she had gotten herself into when she felt something smooth and round press against her lips.

"Open" he commanded sternly. Meekly she did as she was told, accepting the gag between her teeth. She felt him tighten the strap and buckle it at the back of her head. Her ability to swallow was hindered and she felt humiliated when she began to drool around the gag. He pressed something into her hand, it felt like a garage door opener.

"Press the button if you begin to panic or need something immediately. Do not use it unless it is an emergency or your will be a very sorry girl. Go ahead and try it once so that you know how to use it" he instructed. Her thumb found the button and she pressed it, the little box emitted a high-pitch screech.

Reaching around from behind her, he cupped her breasts, his fingers finding her nipples and pinching them hard. She squirmed, and he released them, running his hands down the sides of her body to her hips. She felt him move away from her and she whimpered softly in protest.

She waited for what seemed like hours, although it must have really only been a couple of minutes. The silence was so thick she could taste it and her heart was pounding so hard she feared it might burst.

In the silence she heard a sound that made a shiver run up her spine. That familiar swishing of something being swung in the air. It stopped as quickly as it had started, and then without warning she felt the leather tails on her back and she sucked in a deep breath through her nose. They slid slowly over her skin, a promise of things to come.

The swishing began again, but this time it was punctuated by rhythmic strikes upon her body. She wriggled and cried out as the lashes fell again and again, leaving reddening streaks across her flesh. The tails fell progressively harder, leaving trails of fire in their wake. The pain was intense and several times her thumb went to the button on the little box that would mean an end to it all. She could feel the drool dripping down her chin and her breathing became more labored.

She didn't press the button. She wanted to accept the pain, she wanted to show him that she could take it. She screamed around the gag, she writhed and bucked against the wall, trying to avoid those vicious tails. Still they rained down on her, again and again. She began to feel removed from the pain. She could tell that it was still occurring, but it seemed far away. Her brain was swimming in endorphins and she felt like she was outside of her body.

There was a pause in the onslaught, and she started to come back to herself. She hear a loud crack, and then felt searing pain again. It was like a delayed reaction. She whined, and there was another crack, and another, and another. The strap left angry crimson welts on her backside, she could feel her skin burning like never before. She fought her restraints, she wept, but it was for not.

She knew he was pushing her. She became enraged with him. She couldn't understand why he was doing this, was he trying to break her? Trying to make her admit defeat? She was choking on her anger and the pain that exploded through her with every strike. She thought that she might pass out, and she struggled against the urge to push that damned button.

She was in agony, like nothing she had ever experienced before. She wished for death or unconsciousness.

To Be Continued...

Tags: BDSM, Bondage, Discipline, Erotica, Fetish, S&M

Oh Christmas Tree

2005-12-05T14:23:00.000-07:00

Last night I set up our Christmas tree (finally).

MJ brought it up from the basement in it's plastic storage container. He worked in his office while I unpacked the branches and fluffed them up, sorting them into piles and getting organized for tree-building.

While I assembled the trunk of the tree and started arranging the branches I thought of the stories this tree could tell if it could talk. It is a very old artificial tree; the only Christmas tree that MJ ever knew while he lived at home. When he moved out on his own, the tree went with him, and now it is gracing the living room of our brand new house. It is still in good shape for it's age, although MJ and I agree that it must have shrunk some as it got older. It's supposed to be 7 feet tall but it looks smaller for some reason.

It has seen the first Christmas' of MJ and his brothers, and now of our children. MJ and I set it up together for our first Christmas as husband and wife. It is a beautiful tree, and it means the world to MJ, and to myself as well.

After I had gotten all the branches on and re-arranged them 500 times, until they were all perfect, I covered it in strings of lights. MJ and I both like a tree with lots of lights. I turned off all of the other lights in the house and lured MJ out of his den to check out the tree. It looked magnificent of course, it almost seems a shame to cover it with other decorations. Truly it would be perfectly beautiful with nothing but lights on it.

We admired our tree, discussing plans for the rest of the decorations (we need to get some new garland before we can put anything else on the tree). He held me against him and we kissed, softly at first, and then harder, more passionately. He lifted the front of my t-shirt and pinched my nipples, making me feel weak in the knees. Eventually he pulled my shirt over my head (my pants had already come off sometime earlier) and I was naked, pressed tight against him, enjoying his hands on my body.

I pulled his shirt over his head as well, and nuzzled his chest, pressing my cheek against his skin and listening to his heart beating. He coaxed me onto the floor and laid me down on my back. I basked in the glow from the tree lights. We kissed again before he broke away to pay attention to other areas of my body with his mouth.

We made love in front of our beautiful Christmas tree. I enjoyed one of those rare moments when it feels like there is nothing else but him and I. Only the two of us, swimming in boundless pleasure. Incredible just isn't a good enough word to describe it. It was raw and hard, yet so gentle and slow, all at once.

Later on, once MJ had gone back to his office to finish his work, I stretched out on my side and looked up at our tree. I was overwhelmed with emotions and I wept for a while, unable to stop myself and not really wanting to anyway. I don't know why I cried, so I can't even try to explain it here. I just...did.

Eventually I headed up to bed, MJ following soon after, and we curled up together and slept. The holiday season is definitely getting off to a proper start.

My Christmas Card To All Of You

2005-12-01T19:17:00.000-07:00

Holiday Greetings and Best Wishes for Happiness Now and Always.
All My Love,
Temptation

More Fluff In The Buff

2005-11-29T10:28:00.000-07:00

Since I don't have time to write anything substantial, here is something fun for you to read while you wait...

Sexy Name Decoder: Borrowed From JeN

Since MJ Won't Let Me Get A REAL Puppy...

2005-11-25T22:09:00.000-07:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

I had to adopt a virtual one.

The Toy Whore Rides Again

2005-11-23T16:40:00.000-07:00

I picked up a couple of fun things at The Taboo Sex Show. This collar was one of them, the other will remain a secret until after I show it off to MJ (I am saving it for a special occasion).

Pretty nice, huh? I love it. Here's another picture of it. I bought it at a booth run by Priape, which is a store I have been meaning to visit for ages, but haven't been around to yet.

I almost bought this collar instead, but V insisted that she liked the one I got better. This one was also rather tempting. These offer some enticing possibilities.

I think that MJ would look smashing in a pair of these, and I almost bought him some. Speaking of which, while I was browsing the booth and admiring all of the stunning leather products, I started to wonder what is considered proper attire for Doms at kink events? It's pretty obvious for subs, a collar and hardly anything else. But what do the Doms wear? Just regular street clothes? Some events are fetish wear only, so what does that mean? I have never been to a BDSM event so I haven't the slightest, someone please enlighten me.

The Sex Show was a lot of fun, I went with one of my best friends, V. It is an annual ritual for us, this was our third trip to the show. There were some new exhibitors this year, and a group from Calgary put up a display called The Dungeon {for the second year in a row}. Basically they were there to answer questions, show off some very nice equipment, and make people more aware of the kink community in our city. The Sex Show is focused on the main stream, so it is a good opportunity to corrupt some vanillas (LOL). Shae, owner of the Calgary Legacy House Organization designed The Dungeon and he did a fantastic job. Calgary Legacy House promoted their new monthly Play Party Event known as Dark Shadows Fantasy Night as something that everyone can enjoy. I had the great pleasure to fianlly meet Shae in person, and found him to be even more charming in 'real life' than he has been during our e-mail conversations. The Dungeon this year was even better than the last, and I look forward with great anticipation to see what they come up with next year.

The only sad part is that I wish MJ could have attended with me. I hope that next year we might be able to go together, even though it has become something of a "Girl's Weekend" for V and I. It would be fun to browse the displays and buy some things together.

I'll post some pictures of my other purchase as soon as I get some!

Tags: BDSM, Dungeon

F Is For Fisting

2005-11-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, another post about fisting...

Last night MJ finally succeeded in fisting me. It's amazing what a little lubricant will do.

We had never used lubricant before [for fisting], simply due to the fact that I produce plenty of my own. But we figured this time we would try it, just to see. Once he had his hand sufficiently covered in it, he started working his fingers into my pussy, using more lube as needed. Finally he got all of his fingers and his thumb in line and pushed. I could feel his hand sliding in much easier than before, but I didn't realize that he was all the way in until he told me.

I felt so filled, it was mind blowing.

Well that sent me right over the edge and I had an incredible orgasm. He pulled his hand out when I told him I was ready, and I just layed there in total shock. It was seriously like nothing I have ever felt before.

MJ couldn't believe it either. He found it sooooo hot. Of course then it was his turn for a little pleasure. We tried anal, but we had both forgotten that Astroglide irritates my rear end (for reasons unknown) and that had to be cut short. Instead he fucked my pussy from behind until he came all over my back and ass.

Of course we both slept very well.

In the tiny bit of research I have done, I found reference to a book about fisting called A Hand In The Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. I think I will pick it up and give it a read, and probably post a review here afterwards. Just want to make sure that we don't do anything wrong that could cause damage or injury. If anyone has read this book feel free to comment on your opinion of it :)

MJ really wants to take some pictures of him fisting me, which will be hot no doubt. I was thinking about posting them here, but I'm not so sure, that's a pretty intense and personal act. We will see ;)

In all the confusion and upset over B, I totally forgot to post about my trip to The Taboo Sex Show. And I really must post some pictures of the fantastic new collar I bought there. Stay tuned, all that and more will be coming to this blog very shortly!

Tags: Anal, Fisting, Sex

What's Old Is New Again

2005-11-21T17:49:00.000-07:00

In an effort to explore this topic a little further, I am going to reply to the wonderful comments from my last post, in this post. I hope that the commenters don't mind, but the comments were long and my replies will be too, so this just seems easier.

JeN said...
Thank you for being so honest.

"Don't all gasp in horror" See? You already assumed that someone would judge you right then and there. I didn't gasp in horror, I didn't even raise an eyebrow. I just continued reading to see what else you had to say.

I can't be the one to say whether you should or should not see this "B" again. That is up to you (and possibly MJ).

So much romantic junk has been placed on finding "the One". Personally, I don't believe that there is this One person out there for everybody. There are people you will not connect with, and there are people you will connect with, on varying levels. So you just happened to meet another person whose personality meshes with yours. It happens.

I don't think you should feel panicky or ashamed or anything like that.

Lots of hugs and warm smiles : )

Oh, and I like the snowflake b/g!

P.S. I got my first inch of snow today. November 17th is now unfavourable in my eyes...
: p

JeN, first of all thank you for commenting. I know that I always assume that people will think the worst of me, it seems to be a side-effect of my obsession with being likeable. I know that you aren't that judgmental. Truly, none of my regular commenters are. It just seems that writing something so *controversial* brings all the asshats out of the woodwork. I was expecting someone to say something ignorant, but it seems that I was wrong, no comments had to be moderated.

I go back and forth when it comes to believing in 'The One'. It is a very romantic notion, but what about people who find their 'One' and then they get a divorce, or he/she dies? Sometimes the person left behind finds another 'One'. Would they have felt the same way had they met their second love while still attached to their first? It does make a person ask a lot of questions.

And Boo Hiss for snow :( Yuck!

Thanks for the love and support JeN :)

Amber said...
You ask: "Given the opportunity, should I see this other person again?"

I say no.

"Should I chalk it up to some lapse of sanity and just get on with things?"

I say yes.

"Should I just go with it and see what happens?"
No.

"Should I try to forget that it ever happened?"
Yes

Okay, fixed now? ;-P

Look, we all sometimes run into people we are attracted to. It happens. The thing is, as a monogamously married individual, do we act on it or not?

Maturity means making decisions because it's the Right Thing To Do and not because It Feels Good.

You say: "I would never put my marriage or my kids on the line, and neither would MJ."

But if you go ahead and indulge in these feelings, you *will* be putting your relationship with your family on the line. With allll the talking in the world together and alllll the possible encouragement from MJ; you're risking everything you've built together to this point.

And believe me, it's a big risk.

You know my story. You know that my ex and I tried this kind of thing when I was around your age. I was attracted to another man and I knew that NOTHING would ever affect my marriage with my husband at that time and my husband back then thought the whole idea was really hot. This young slutty wife of his balling some other guy. OooO! How HAWT!

However, I "fell in love" with that other guy. And I seriously considered leaving my husband for him.

Mostly because the sex with the other guy was new, it was exciting and I mistook my infatuation for "love".

You raise the stakes dramatically when you add sex to a relationship. Even if it's consensual; it's still playing with fire.

You two have small children. Your first duty is to them, to protect this stable, loving home you have created for them.

Could you two possibly do this thing and get away with it unscathed? Possibly. All things are possible. I'm not saying that you'd be forced to go down the path I did. Everyone has a different reaction to life experiences. You could very well find that you are repulsed by this new guy. Or maybe you'd start an open marriage and you guys could make it work.

Who knows?

But why risk it? Especially with little ones at home?

Once you step outside a fantasy and make it a reality, all kinds of aspects you had not previously considered can occur. And it can be horrendously damaging. Not only do I know this from personal experience, and people I know in person who grow to regret doing such thing, but look at all the online stories about how fast things can go bad.

And MJ, with all due respect, I know you love Temp and your family to pieces and I know you don't want to hurt them, but I think Temp needs to hear that her Husband and Master would blister her ass but good if she did this thing. That you own her and nobody else can touch her.

I think that's what Temp would like to hear from you.

I know that's what I secretly wanted to hear from my ex, although I didn't have the guts to tell him.

That's just my very nosy and un-humble curmudegeonly opinion. ;-P

You know, you guys can play with this idea. Lots of couples do. So make up stories, develop "punishments" for imagined transgressions and titillate each other with this idea if that makes things more hot and fun in the marital bedroom.

But you don't have to actually DO it to get that thrill.

Btw, kudos on talking about this together. That is wonderful. :-)

Hope I wasn't too forward. But then, you guys know how I am. ;-P

11:27 AM

Amber, you are my steady voice of reason :) I know you well enough now that I can usually predict your reaction to such things, and believe me, I appreciate your unapologetic opinion. In a world where everyone likes to talk in circles and blow smoke out their ass, I know that you don't mince words, at least with me, and that is [sadly] a rare thing.

As always, you raise some very good and important concerns. I am grateful that you have shared so many of your life experiences with me. I know that this experience has been risky for my family and my marriage. I am finding out quickly that things get rather complicated once you start to look at them objectively. It's all fun and games until something horrible happens.

Thank you for your comment. And don't worry about being forward with me/us, sometimes that is exactly what I/we need. I just wish you didn't make me think so much ;) LOL.

Ben said...
Firstly, I must commend your honesty and openness. Impressive.

Secondly, why would you think it amazing that you have the capacity to feel emotions for someone else? You loved before you met MJ, just because he makes you "happy" and you said a few words in front of a cleric or a judge doesn't change your human nature.

My brother-in-law and his wife have an open marriage. They didn't start out open. They started out "playing"--a lot like what you've described, even using the internet, though not blogs.

And eventually one of them met someone that they experienced emotions and feelings for. And then they both did. And within a few months they were openly swinging and experiencing it with many others.

They are pagan and don't consider it "wrong".

There are dangers and not just diseases. My brother has a child by another woman, who is currently living with them as their "concubine".

All this to say that you should choose the path that you wish to take and then hold one another to that path and don't "explore" unless you're willing to take other paths.

Now, my perspective:
"Love" is not an emotion. It is *an act of your will*. It is *committment*. It is an active *choice*.

"Lust" is that "tingling" and "in-love" feeling that you experience. It is an emotion. It comes and goes over time and you will feel it for many different people. But don't mistake it for "love".

Love is not self-serving, it is selfless.

Love does not seek pleasure and happiness has no bearing on it whatsoever. Being happy doesn't mean you are "in love". In fact "in love" just means you are "in lust" and "infatuated".

It's very easy to mistake lust for love, especially in the first 10 years or so of a relationship.

My advice? If you don't want to live the life of a cheater and you aren't able to respect yourself in living the polyamorous life, then *quit playing around with fire*.

Turn your back on it and *never look back*.

You mentioned Catholocism. There's a term for this action: "repentence". It means "to turn away from". Thus, if you "repent" of your sins, you "turn away from them". In Greek, it has a more subtle meaning that includes "fixing" or "repairing" a relationship. (Thus, if you "repent of your sins", then you "turn away from your sins--to do them no more--and repair your relationship with God.")

In your case, if you really don't want to be a "cheater" or polyamorous, then I suggest that you "repent" of your behavior and "repair your relationship" with MJ so that you never do it again--regardless of your desire, your "in love" feelings and the infatuations that you'll no doubt experience throughout your lifetime.

(Long winded, ain't I? ;) )

6:19 PM

Ben, thank you for commenting, and for your compliment regarding my honesty. It wasn't fun or easy to write it, but it was necessary, and I am learning a great deal about myself in this process.

I suppose that I should not have been surprised to find myself in 'lust' with someone other than MJ. I suppose I just wasn't expecting it, and it kind of threw me off.

You said that I/we should choose a path and hold each other to it, and not explore unless I/we were willing to take other paths. I believe that life is an ever-changing, dynamic and evolving experience. I don't know that we ever really 'choose' one path. There are plenty of unexpected twists and turns in this journey. I always said that I never wanted kids, but to my surprise, life presented me with two beautiful children and I took off on a new path. Not one that I necessarily 'chose' ahead of time, but one that I found myself on and am trying my best to navigate. We walk many paths in life, sometimes we travel them on purpose, sometimes by mistake, sometimes by accident. We can try our best to stick to one that suites us, but sometimes fate has other plans.

I also believe that love is an emotion, as well as an act of will. However, I think that love is a highly over-used word these days. People claim to 'love' everything from other people to potato salad. I believe that love in it's purest form is really more of a state of being.

I also know that lust/infatuation is FAR from love. My feelings for B do not expend past infatuation/lust. I have found myself attracted to other people in the past, but the intensity and suddenness of the feelings I felt for B were rather unnerving.

I absolutely will not live the life of a cheater, since my relationship with MJ is built on absolute honesty. I don't believe that this is as black and white as picking one side of the fence or the other [poly or monogomy]. Then again I have very little experience in such things and perhaps I am just in denial. I never did understand the whole bit about having cake and not eating it.

I was raised Catholic, but no longer believe in *all*of the Catholic teachings. Since Catholicism IS very black and white (you're with them or against them) I cannot consider myself to be a Catholic. Actually my faith at the moment is rather non-existent which only serves to further confuse the issue, since I have no religion on which to stand when it comes to morality. I do not believe that I need to 'repent' as it were, since that would mean I view my actions and feelings as *wrong*. Since I am still figuring out exactly how I feel, I don't wish to absolutely declare it *wrong*. I have shot myself in the foot there before.

And no worries about the length of your comment. My commenters all seem to hail from The Land of The Long Winded, and I LOVE them for it!

Anonymous [Luci] said...
So you can see yourself totally falling for this guy. What you did not mention was this B's feelings/interaction with you. Since you didn't say anything about that, I can assume two different things. One, he felt the same way, at which point you have to consider do you want to be involved with someone willing to get involved with a married woman in a loving committed relationship?

Second, he views you as a friend only, in which case you have yourself a crush. Nothing wrong with that in my eyes. I've had a crush or two since I've been married. I never acted on it, just enjoyed some fantasy what if time in my own head.

I also didn't gasp in horror. I think its normal to find oneself attracted to another person throughout one's life. Just because you can see youself falling for this guy does not mean you have to act on it.

{{hugs}} Thanks for sharing this with us, Temp.

Luci (having a terrible time getting blogger to let me post comments)

Luci, sorry about your bad time with Blogger. It seems to behave like a bugger whenever I have something really insightful to say ;) LOL.

I didn't talk much about B's feelings in the beginning because I thought that getting through my feelings at the time was complicated enough, nevermind how he was feeling. So, I will clear that up now.

B expressed feelings of affection towards me. Seeing as I had only just met him and haven't gotten to know him that well I can only speculate on how genuine he was. I don't think that his feelings towards me were really that alarming, a lot of men are attracted to me. I suppose that my reaction to him was the really unsettling part.

I was totally honest with him about being married and having kids. I am sure he found it a little strange, and from his comments I can say with a high degree of certainty that he doesn't see any long-term potential with me. Likewise I know that there is no long-term potential with him. Without revealing too much about him, he will be leaving the country in a couple of months, perhaps never to return.

This entire thing is really less about him, since I KNOW that I will not be with him. I guess I just worried that I could even find myself so drawn to someone, anyone really, besides my husband. I am young and I haven't had loads of life experience. I think it also scared me because of what a cheater I used to be, and I don't ever want to be that person again. Old familiar feelings might have caused me to blow the situation a teeny bit out of proportion. But that is what is so wonderful about your voice, along with the others. It helps put things into perspective. Thank you for your support Luci :)

Anonymous said...
You don't say if "B" is married or in a long term relationship. If he is and she does not know about you and he being together that could be a problem.

Any time two people have sex, even if both say that it is just for fun, the chance exists of emotional problems. That is another thing to take into consideration.

If, for instance, "B" decides that he is in love with you and becomes determined to persue that love, it could have an impact on the things that are important to you.

In an ideal world you should be able to do as you please. In the real world things can be more complicated than that and bad things could result.

11:13 AM

Anon, as far as he told me, B is not in a relationship of any kind. I can also say that I feel quite safe that he will not try to pursue anything more serious with me. Like I said to Luci, he is leaving the country (and he cannot opt out of it for any reason) in a few months, and after that I will probably never see or hear from him again.

RAheretic's swan said...
Temptation --

you wrote: "I don't know what to do with all these messy feelings I am having. I keep wondering what I am supposed to be feeling or thinking, are there any right or wrong answers, what does it all mean?

Given the opportunity, should I see this other person again? Should I chalk it up to some lapse of sanity and just get on with things? Should I just go with it and see what happens? Should I try to forget that it ever happened?"

Dear, feelings are often messy. You are "supposed" to be feeling exactly whatever it is you are feeling. You have not had a lapse of sanity. You have encountered another person with whom you feel some sort of connection. This is neither "good" or "bad" except in the lexicon of a social/religious value system that you are laying it up against at this moment. That is something that you will have to come to some sort of terms with as you work your way through this. No one can tell you which way to go with any of this right now. I believe that you are making good choices in talking with MJ, and giving yourself time to think and feel and explore without making any immediate decisions or reactions.

It is my belief that we are made for joy. I wish you much joy.

Write to me if you think I can help.

hugs,
swan

11:18 AM

Swan, thank you so much for your kind words and offer of support :) It means very much to me.

I am doing my best to make sense of it all, and it is reassuring to know that I am neither right nor wrong in my feelings. We cannot control how we feel, but I allow myself to heap loads of guilt onto my conscious when I feel a way that I think I shouldn't. It isn't very smart, nor does it make sense, and I am working on getting over it.

MJ and I are maintaining a lot of very open, honest, and sometimes uncomfortable communication. Sometimes I worry that I will say something that hurts him, something that I cannot repair. But what is a marriage worth if you cannot tell your spouse the truth, even when it is raw and ugly and you don't even want to admit it to yourself.

Thank you again for commenting :)

**************************

Well that was long and mentally kind of exhausting. Thank you again to all of you for sharing your opinions and support. I am turning off comment moderation because it turns out that only wonderful caring people bothered to speak to this, and I appreciate that.

I read an interesting article recently that I want to share here. Please note that this is not my showing of support for swinging or open marriages. I just found it rather thought provoking. It is pretty long, but worth the read in my opinion.

The New Monogamy

As always thoughts in my comment box are most welcome :)

Tags: Monogamy, Marriage

What Happened To The Butterflies?

2005-11-17T20:03:00.000-07:00

Writing this post is a huge leap for me. I am trying to stretch myself far out of my comfort zone. I think that it is important for me to get this out, and as you read it, please keep in mind that just because you might not agree with me, does not give you the right to be cruel or rude to me. I have turned on comment moderation, just for the time being, and all comments will be going through MJ before they appear here. He has the ability to not care about what people think, so I am letting him deal with any assholes that decide to share their opinion here.

I have never been particularly good at monogamy. Every single relationship I have ever had eventually involved some level of infidelity (including my early days with MJ) . Yes, I am young, and I have only had a handful of serious relationships in my life, but I seem to be prone to spreading the love around, so to speak.

It's not that I liked cheating, or wanted to hurt the person that I was with. For reasons unkown, I just seemed to find myself in love/lust/infatuation with other people at the same time that I was involved with someone else. It wasn't because I wasn't fulfilled or happy in my relationships at the time, and please spare me any arguments to the contrary, you weren't there.

Of course, you could argue, that just because I felt a certain way, did not mean that I had to act on it. That is true, but I never really understood why I should have to limit myself to just loving one person (especially when I was younger and wanted to experiment a lot).

We are expected to love our parents, our siblings, other family members and friends, and all of our children. Humans have such a HUGE capacity for love and affection. It makes me wonder why on earth we can't have romantic love with anyone but our husband/wife/partner/whatever. Please understand that I am not making an argument for poly relationships or swinging or what have you, this is simply me thinking outloud. I haven't yet decided how I feel about these things, at least not in any absolute kind of way. Seriously though, think about it. If we can have loads of love for everyone under the sun, doesn't it make sense, at least intellectually, that we should have the capacity to be in love with more than one person at a time? I am not saying it is right, or moral, or my choice, it simply seems to make sense rationally.

A lot of people get married and are completely fulfilled by their partner. They have no desire to be with anyone else, and you know what, that is awesome. I really want that to be me...I just don't know if it can be me.

See, last weekend I met someone else.

Another man.

Don't all gasp in horror, MJ knew and knows everything about it both before and after the entire thing. I certainly wouldn't blog about it here before I told him about it.

I felt a strong connection with this other person.

And that totally freaked me out.

I never really expected that sort of thing to happen, as I have not felt this way about anyone besides MJ in a long time. Of course I don't have the same feelings for...(hmmm, I suppose he needs a name, so I will refer to him as B). Anyway, I don't have the same feelings for B that I have for MJ, that is just ridiculous.

But there was that potential.

I could totally see myself falling for this guy, given the time and circumstances.

And that fact, that potential for love outside of my marriage, well it totally fucked me up.

I will admit that I have always looked down my nose with total contempt at people who are unfaithful. I am only slightly less disgusted by people who do it consensually. Being the pervert that I am, I try to keep an open mind and not judge others, because I don't like to be judged. But my entire life I knew that any sort of 'cheating' was WRONG WRONG WRONG.

As you can see, this is causing a lot of emotional turmoil for me. On one hand I have always been raised Catholic, taught that you are supposed to fall in love with one person, and one person only. I love MJ more than anything in the world. He makes me happier than I ever thought possible. I don't need anyone else to fulfill me. I also don't need chocolate cake, but that doesn't stop me from eating it. On the other hand, I don't know what to do with all these messy feelings I am having. I keep wondering what I am supposed to be feeling or thinking, are there any right or wrong answers, what does it all mean?

Given the opportunity, should I see this other person again? Should I chalk it up to some lapse of sanity and just get on with things? Should I just go with it and see what happens? Should I try to forget that it ever happened?

So many questions, so few answers. I don't think that I have the life experience to deal with this sort of thing.

Anyone that might be concerned about the state of my marriage, don't be. I have been totally honest with MJ about all of my feelings. He and I have talked about it a lot, and will continue to talk about it. We aren't going through a hard time or anything, this is just something unexpected that happened, and we are trying to figure it out as best we can. We are not considering poly or having an open marriage or anything like that. We have never been in this situation before, so we are taking our time making sense of it all. There is no threat of things going downhill, and MJ has the absolute last word in where we go from this point. I would never put my marriage or my kids on the line, and neither would MJ. Basically we are just being very cautious, talking lots, and making sure that everything it out in the open.

So here I am, my underbelly exposed. I don't know where this is going, if anywhere. I may blog about it again, I may not. But I felt that I should get this out, at least for my own good. Thank you for taking the time to read it, and hopefully the comment moderation will have been for nothing.

Tags: Infidelity, Marriage, Monogamy

My Complexes Give Me A Complex

2005-11-16T23:41:00.000-07:00

Well, my life upheaval has kind of leveled out. I still feel like something is off-kilter in my brain, but it isn't consuming me at this point. I still don't have the answers, I don't know if I can find them right now. Hell, I don't even know if they exist.

I have been hesitant to blog about the details of what caused all this heavy emotional stuff. See, I have a complex when it comes to blogging. Let me explain... or try to ;)

I LOVE writing, and blogging seems to agree with me. I actually like how I write on this blog, as opposed to when I try to write anything else, cause then I am just crap. I can't write fiction, non-fiction, my life story, nothing. It just comes out sounding totally mental. When I found blogging, I sort of found my writing niche. I can do this, the sporadic outpouring of my soul onto this page. My tiny corner of cyber space where I reveal to you the inner workings of my mind.

Sadly, I suffer from another complex that seriously stunts the blogging experience for me. I cannot STAND to know that someone doesn't like me. It doesn't have to be someone I know, but if I suspect that someone doesn't like me, I just feel crushed. Seriously, and I know it sounds totally fucked up.

For example, every time we had to deal with people involved in the building of our new house (kitchen designers, flooring people, etc, etc) I worried that they might not like me. I worry that when people act like they like me, that they are actually faking it and secretly dislike me.

I know that it is terribly egotistical to believe that people spend so much time thinking about me (either positively or negatively). Plus I know that this entire problem stems from my struggle with low self-esteem and self-doubt. So why can't I just get over it?

Beats the hell out of me, but if you have the answer, please share. I would love to know how to stop caring about what other people think.

So, back to blogging. Because I am so afraid that I will say something that will cause my readers to not like me or stop reading me, I censor myself. Sometimes more than others. When it comes to topics that I think might make some of my readers boo and hiss, I just don't blog them. Or I do blog them, but I keep it vague.

This is one of those times. I am seriously too chicken to tell you all the truth about what happened to me recently. I am afraid that some of you won't like it.

Good grief, I feel stupider just for admitting it. I have to hit publish now or I might just delete this post.

Peeling Off My Skin

2005-11-15T09:34:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been going along, living your life all Tra La La, everything right in the world. And then suddenly something happens, and you are left questioning things that you have been taught and believed in since you were a small child? You discover that sometimes the ideas that you have come to accept as true, are perhaps not as true as you thought. It leaves one with an uneasy feeling and you start to wonder if you should embrace these new possibilities, or simply hang on to your old way of thinking.

In case you are wondering, something like this happened to me just recently. I am still trying to make sense of it all. Just when I think that I have it pulled all apart and put back together, a piece comes off and refuses to go back on in the way that I want it to. It's like a Rubik's cube from hell. I keep turning it over and examining it some more, and it makes me feel so uncomfortable because I am trying to find answers and I don't know if there really are any.

MJ is being wonderful of course, giving me plenty of time to try and make sense of it all, at the same time being so supportive and understanding. He encourages me to analyze it outloud, listening while I struggle. I am so very lucky to have such a wonderful man to love me.

I want this discomfort to go away. I feel conflicted, and tired. MJ says that I toss and turn at night, and I wake up feeling like I have been run over by a rather large and fast-moving motor vehicle. How long is this going to last?

Will Have Sex For More Blog Traffic

2005-11-11T12:45:00.000-07:00

So, a little update on my experiment with Technorati. So far I haven't gotten a lot of hits from the tags added to my posts, which is not surprising, considering I only have 4 of them total, LOL.

In the process of learning about Technorati, I also signed up for an 'account' there. It's free, and in some ways it is like BlogLines, you can track your favorite blogs and get the updates sent to your account as soon as Technorati picks them up. You can also enter Tags that you are interested in, such as 'Paris Hilton' or 'Goat Sex' and it will send you feeds whenever it picks up a blog that includes those words.

One of the perks as a blog owner is that you 'claim' your blog and it is added to your account. You can get a nifty little search box and a list of who links to you, that you can add to your sidebar (see mine on the right, under my Listed With section). As I have found out, the best part is that Technorati allows you to add up to 20 tags to your blog, so that when someone searches Technorati for one of your tag words, your blog will be part of the list. I have gotten quite a few hits from that already, and I have found out that my blog ranks pretty high among tags for Bondage, Anal Sex, and Submission. Of course I believe the only reason I even make it onto the radar is because a lot of bloggers aren't taking full advantage of Technorati. I didn't even want to tell you all this because I know that I could get shipped on down the list if more prominent sex bloggers decide to add tags to their blogs. But I believe in Karma and I want to share the blog traffic love with everyone.

Without delving deep into the inner workings of Technorati, I believe that they rank blogs on how many incoming links they have from other sites, and perhaps (although I am totally unsure of this) how may times certain keywords appear on the blog in question (much like the mysterious Google search ranking system). Don't quote me on this though, LOL.

I would really encourage anyone who wants to increase their blog traffic to at least 'register' your blog and add a bunch of tags to it. Also write an interesting description, so that people will want to read you. If you don't use any features beyond that, at least you will have a better chance at being found by people with similar interests.

At The Top Of My Christmas Wish List...

2005-11-09T17:48:00.000-07:00

I am the opposite of claustrophobic. I love being in small enclosed spaces. As a child I loved hiding under beds or in empty boxes (who didn't?). Even as an adult I find something very soothing about the thought of being locked up in a cage. I simply can't explain it... like so many of my other desires, it just is.

As an aside, I want to stress to anyone who tinkers in confinement NEVER, EVER, EVER lock up or otherwise restrain a person and then leave them alone. It is stupid and dangerous and you are just asking for trouble. If you MUST go into another room, make sure that you do not leave the other person gagged. If something terrible should happen (a fire, they panic or have a heart attack, anything is possible) you want to be able to hear them. Please do not take chances that could end badly.

Tags: Cage Confinement

I Like Cheap Thrills

2005-11-09T14:21:00.000-07:00

I have recently noticed more and more blogs adding Technorati tags to their blog posts. I suppose that this is traffic whoring for the most part, although I am sure some people just do it to share their common interest in Cheerleaders with other strange people.

In an effort to keep up with the Joneses I poked around to find out how this tag business works. Some blog hosts (Typepad and the like) make it very simple to have tags. In fact they have built-in categories that you can assign to your posts, and PING! instant tags.

Blogger doesn't have such a thing, so us poor folks that cannot afford to actually pay to blog, have to add them manually. You can go to Technorati and click on the tab for TAGS. Then you type in a word that is related to something in your blog post and hit search. It will generate a list of recent posts that contain the word you searched, along with some related tags. On the left of the list, in the sidebar, it gives you an option to add this tag to your blog, and will generate a nifty little code that you copy and paste into your blog post.

OR, you can go to this page and get a copy of the little code and instructions on how to use it. You just insert it manually into all of your blog posts and it lets Technorati know that you just wrote an informational post about Anal Sex. Then everyone searching Technorati for posts about anal sex will come and find you.

Seems easy enough, so I will give it a try and see if anything exciting happens.

Tags: Tags Technorati

Heirloom Houseplants

2005-11-08T08:32:00.000-07:00

My Christmas Cactus is in bloom.

There is something wonderful about having a plant so beautiful and alive inside my house, while outside everything is bowing aside for winter to make her entrance. The trees are swaying, naked of their leaves, amongst seas of brown grass. But inside my house things are green and blooming.

This is the first place I have been able to keep a lot of houseplants. Our condo didn't offer much in the way of direct sunlight. I had one lonely plant that managed to live through those years with us.

Shortly after we moved into this new house my mother presented me with five houseplants that she has been nurturing for a long time. One of them is nearly three decades old! She has had it my entire life, and I would be lying if I said that it didn't hold some level of sentimental value. But she didn't keep any cuttings of the damned thing, so now I am expected to keep it alive for another 30 years, until I can pawn it off on one of my kids. This particular kind of plant can live up to 200 years.

Some families have heirloom quilts or jewelry... my family has houseplants. That is what we pass on to our kids when they finally get a big enough house, LOL.

Pick A Number Between One And Nine...

2005-11-04T16:06:00.000-07:00

I don't know how accurate this is, but I am a number 3, and in some ways this describes me very well ;) LOL.

Birth Test:

Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing.

To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit. A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be: it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight.

Example: March 20, 1950
3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973
1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20
2 + 0 = 2
Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example.

#1 THE ORIGINATOR
#2 THE PEACEMAKER
#3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
#4 THE CONSERVATIVE
#5 THE NONCONFORMIST
#6 THE ROMANTIC
#7 THE INTELLECTUAL
#8 THE BIG SHOT
#9 THE PERFORMER

#1 THE ORIGINATOR:
1s are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1s are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.
Famous 1s: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.

#2 - THE PEACEMAKER:
2s are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.
Famous 2s: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus, Mozart.

# 3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY:
3s are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.
Famous 3s: Alan Alder, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster

# 4 - THE CONSERVATIVE:
4s are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.
Famous 4s: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey, Dimakatso Mabaso

# 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST:
5s are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.
Famous 5s: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail.

# 6 - THE ROMANTIC:
6s are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6s should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.
Famous 6s: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn

#7 - THE INTELLECTUAL:
7s are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what not in the world at large.
Famous 7s: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson , Joan Baez, Princess Diana

# 8 - THE BIG SHOT:
8s are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want.
Famous 8s: Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus, and Ron Connolly

#9 - THE PERFORMER:
9s are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.
Famous 9s: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley

If you want, share your number in my comments box and feel free to add how these do or do not describe you accurately. It's all in good fun!

Trick Or Treat

2005-10-31T09:15:00.000-07:00

Well my faithful readers, things certainly are hectic here in the House Of MJ and Temptation.

We had a very full weekend, getting things organized and trying to get settled in. Is is VERY slow going. I forgot how much I absolutely detest moving, and I am making a promise to myself that I will not move again for another 30 years, LOL.

We handed over the keys to the condo we had been renting, and that felt like a weight had been lifted. It was nice to get the damage deposit back, and to be rid of the responsibility of that place. One more loose end was tied up.

MJ and I are both running mostly on coffee and sex. Ah yes, there has been plenty of sex in the new house ;) No matter how tired we are, we always seem to find the energy for that.

Anyway, I can't stay long. A man from the company that built our house is on his way over to take care of a few little things that need to be finished/fixed/looked at.

I wish you all a very good week :)

What Blows Your Skirt Up?

2005-10-26T11:21:00.000-06:00

The move has come and gone. Everything went exceedingly well, our helpers were wonderful (no need to pay movers with MJ's brothers and a best friend on call). As I type this I am sitting in our wonderful new dining area, looking out over the expansive green space that our house backs onto. Of course looking around the house, it kind of looks like a tornado hit a Big Box Store. There are boxes, some still sealed, some half-unpacked. There are items here and there, still waiting to find a home in this new house of ours. The kids are running about, still getting a feel for this new place. They won't venture far from me unless they are together, and even then they only go upstairs to play in their bedrooms. Little Turkey has mastered the stairs, which is nice, since it saves me from having to hover over her every moment. It also makes the two baby gates that we bought utterly unnecessary. She has also finally taken to walking. MJ has been saying for months that she was just waiting for us to get into the new house before she bothered learning to walk. Looks like he was right ;)

Blogging here will be slow for a while I suspect. I am weaning myself off of the computer in order to get things done. It seems that I will be up to my neck in To Do lists from now until Christmas at least, LOL. Fortunately, I thrive in these situations, and I know that my streak of perfectionism will serve me well in the coming weeks while I get us settled in.

I will still blog, of course. I will probably continue on with Making My Readers Think And Answer Questions, peppered with house updates and hot snipits of our bedroom activities. As I am able I will write LONG posts answering the questions that I ask here, just because I am sure you are all very curious about my opinions on such matters (why else would you bother reading me, LOL?)

And on that note, another point to ponder from yours truly:

Most people who enjoy aspects of BDSM (non-vanilla for you Amber, since you have proclaimed yourself non-BDSM ;) LOL) have certain activities that they enjoy above all others. For some it is being called specific names, being flogged, hair-pulling, foot worship, biting, nipple torture, even [GASP!] face-slapping!

So what is the thing(s) that get your motor running above all others? Your favorite kinky activity as it were? If you had to give up every BDSM activity, save one, what would it be?

I am interested to read your answers. I apologize that I haven't been able to reply to your comments individually, I usually enjoy doing so. With time being at such a premium around here, I must be content to read-only for the time being. Rest assured that I am reading your comments and appreciate them very much. I hope that everyone is happy and healthy :) Take Care!

P.S. This is very hilarious, and sadly, so true.

The Road Less Taken

2005-10-20T17:07:00.000-06:00

How did you get here?

I don't mean here as in this blog, I mean, how did you come to find BDSM?

We have all traveled different paths and made our own ways within this lifestyle. Recently some questions were posed to one of my BDSM webgroups.

Is your involvement in BDSM an extension of who and what you are?

Is it simply an escape from boredom or reality?

Is it just to spice up your sex life?

Is it more than that?

Less than that?

While you ponder these deep questions (and hopefully leave me a few personal answers in the ol' comment box) I will be preparing for the move! Wish us luck and nice weather :)

Link Whoring

2005-10-17T16:48:00.000-06:00

Here's a link to a very good article on Play Party Etiquette.

While I have never been to a play party myself, it seems like pretty common sense to me.

Since I am rather busy and don't have much time to write substantial posts, I hope that my readers will forgive me if I fill space with links and tidbits of interest. There is much good stuff to come in the near future (including a play-by-play of the development and furnishing of our new dungeon).

5...6...Pick Up Sticks

2005-10-13T22:55:00.000-06:00

Because of all the paint I bought for the new house I now have a dozen plastic paint stir sticks that I didn't need and don't really have a use for (we already have three in our box of toys). It seems sad to just toss them out.

Any ideas of what I can do with them ;) LOL.

Perhaps I will have to hold a contest here and give them out as prizes...

Or maybe I should send a few out to some (un)willing victims in return for a picture of the results.

Any takers ;) LOL

Can MJ Come Out And Play?

2005-10-12T18:11:00.000-06:00

Recently some questions regarding protocols related to requesting play were posed in one of my webgroups. We have zero experience when it comes to asking to play (or being asked) with anyone. We have not been out in our community yet (mainly due to our children and the rarity of having time away from them). So I decided to toss this out to my readers and see what you all think.

It is common knowledge that if a Dom A wishes to play with a sub who is already in a relationship with Dom B, Dom A should ask permission from Dom B in order to play with said sub.

But what about if a sub wishes to play with a Dom who already has a primary submissive? Do the rules change if the Dom/sub pair in question is married or in some other form of serious relationship (such as the sub being collared to the Dom)?

What about switches. If Jane is a sub to Bob, but is also a switch, and wants to Dom Joe, does Joe have to clear things with Bob first? Does he assume that if Jane invites him to bottom to her that everything with Bob is fine?

OK, here's MY humble opinion. I recommend that if you wish to play with anyone who is already involved in a relationship, you get to know them well first, to see if they are even open to the idea of playing with others. Because of the way I am, if any sub approached MJ for play I would probably throttle him or her because I am a possessive bitch and mean as a pitbull when I wanna be. If he or she approached MJ while I wasn't around, or via e-mail or something, and I found out (which I would, because MJ keeps nothing from me) I would probably go WAY out of my way to make sure that he or she knew exactly where I stand on sharing of my Dom.

Let me say, for us it is a lot more complicated than a pure D/s relationship. We are married and we have very young children. MJ cannot just put his foot down and say that because he is the Dom here he gets to decide with whom he plays. Our marriage will always come first, before D/s or all that. Are they related? Yes. Are they intertwined? Yes. Can they be separated under some circumstances? Yes. We were husband and wife long before we became Master and slave. Because of that and my prickly feelings towards most forms of consensual infidelity, MJ would never consent to playing with anyone unless he had total and complete encouragement from me. If some of you want to think that we are backwards and I am not a good sub or something, Fuck You. It really is a moot point anyway, because MJ would never choose to play with anyone other than me if it meant upsetting the balance of our relationship.

Now, my feelings aside. If you are a submissive and you wish to play with someone else's Dom, get to know them as a couple. This also applies to switches and so forth. Get to know the people, and get a feel for their relationship. Then you should approach them when they are together. Ask the Dom if they would be interested in play, provided that it was ok with the submissive. Depending on how their relationship works, the Dom may speak to their sub privately about it before giving you an answer. Don't try to pressure either of them to say yes, and be respectful if the answer is no. Just because your request is rejected, don't take it personally. They just might not be open to playing with anyone other than each other.

If one partner is a switch and he or she invites you to bottom for them and they are a submissive in their primary relationship, just ask them upfront if their Dom will be ok with the arrangement. If they are keeping it a secret from their primary play partner you may want to rethink playing with them at all. That goes for all situations. Don't get caught up in some kind of screwed up situation between another couple.

So, share with me! Leave me some LONG comments to explain your thoughts.

Google Me Baby

2005-10-07T16:36:00.000-06:00

So far I have only gotten 2 google hits from 'fisting'. Guess I didn't mention it enough times in my post, LOL. Fisting Fisting Fisting Fisting...

LOL

Anyway, things with the house are coming along very well!

I am off to look for a rubber bit (an actual piece of equestrian equipment. Usually used for breaking young horses to bridal and for regular use on horses that are touchy in the mouth). There is a new equestrian shop in our city and I am going to check it out :) I promise pictures of my new purchase(s) if I buy anything.

In case there is any confusion, the bit is actually for me, LOL, of course.

Fisting, Paper, Scissors

2005-10-04T17:56:00.000-06:00

Continuing on my recent interest in edgy play topics, today we will be discussing fisting!

I believe that for the past year or more it has been MJ's secret ambition to get his very large hand into my rather small vagina. Despite the fact that I have had two children, my vagina remains rather youthful and tight, probably thanks to my kegal exercises. I would say that my vagina is rather 'average' when it comes to width (I can accommodate standard sized sex toys with no discomfort), but it is rather shallow. My first boyfriend possessed a penis that was 8 inches long, and sex was almost always excruciating. We simply could not find a position that avoided having him bottom out and bump against my cervix like a battering ram. MJ has an only slightly shorter male appendage and there are positions with him that make sex exceedingly painful. Since MJ and I have been fucking for nearly 5 years I know what positions are going to be too deep for me. We can't have sex with my legs up over his shoulders while he is on top. Doggy style (which is really one of my favorites) can only be done when I am a wild, writhing, horny mess. Any position designed for 'deeper' penetration is a no-no. All that explained, I wonder if fisting will even be possible for me, considering my vagina.

MJ is a BIG man. He is nearly six and a half feet tall and weighs 300 pounds (although anyone who meets him is surprised by this because he carries it very well). He is not one of those tall and skinny, rather awkward-looking (in my opinion) men. His nickname in his younger years was "Clydesdale" if that is any indication. He is my big strong man and he has hands on him that can palm a basketball no problem. It's nearly impossible for him to find comfortably fitting winter gloves (which is a real problem living here in Canada and all, LOL). His hands are LARGE, no doubt about it.

So, big huge hands + average size vagina = good luck with the fisting, LOL.

On Monday night he nearly managed it. First he teased me into a wild, squirming, sopping wet, horny animal. Then he started in, first two fingers, then three, then four, then the thumb too. Pretty soon he was in past his knuckles, and he actually managed to get all the way in past the widest part of his hand. He says that there was only an inch or two to go until he was up to his wrist in my... well, you know.

But that was it for me. I don't think that it hurt when he tried to go deeper. I kind of felt like there was no more room. I haven't asked him how it felt for him, or what he thinks stopped him from getting all the way in. I am sure he will tell me after he reads this. He probably knows better than me, considering I was hardly conscious thanks to the endorphins and my orgasm(s). Speaking of orgasms, I think I actually managed to have two orgasms! I had one that felt like it nearly killed me, and then when it subsided it felt like I had another small set of spasms. Could they have just been from the first orgasm? I have never had more that one orgasm at a time (usually I can only have one per night actually). I have no idea what multiple orgasms feel like.

Anyway, afterwards I felt like I was in subspace. I just wanted MJ to cuddle me while I lay there feeling like I was made out of jello. I don't clearly remember the rest of the night even. It was amazing.

I honestly have not read a lot about fisting. I never thought that it would be possible for me, especially with MJ. I used to think that it was pretty disgusting and fucked up...

Funny how ones limits become blurry once you start down the garden path of BDSM.

Just in case I don't get enough google hits from searches for 'fisting': fisting fisting fisting fisting fisting (LOL).

See You On Monday!

2005-09-30T09:00:00.000-06:00

Think of me this weekend!

My best friend and I will be busy dancing around half naked and drinking lots of wine.

Oh, and painting (some of the time anyway, LOL).

If you are one of my new neighbors, I apologize in advance for the lack of window coverings *snickering*.

And a big welcome to all my new visitors that have arrived here from Fleshbot (my blog somehow made the Sex Blog Roundup). Feel free to pull up a spanking bench and enjoy the show ;)

Write Your Number On A Bathroom Wall

2005-09-27T17:21:00.000-06:00

Thank you to everyone that commented on my poem after I threw my little fit. I appreciate you guys indulging me, and I promise more "Dr. Seuss meets BDSM" in the future.

Now, I need your help. Since I love polling my readership, and I know that you all are brilliant people, I need some advice for decorating my new house. Yes, you guys are going to get to help me decide some things, so feel flattered :)

Right now I am trying to decide what I can write on the wall in one of my bathrooms. See, I like the idea of writing quotes and so forth on walls. The bathroom in question is mainly going to be used by the kids, but the words do not really have to be geared towards children. This will also be the bathroom of any guests that are staying over. The walls are probably going to be painted an olive green, and the writing will be done in a fancy sort of script in off-white. So, dazzle me with your creativity! If I use your suggestion I promise to send you a picture of the finished bathroom :)

This will not be the last post where I beg for your help, so stay tuned for more, LOL.

Only One Person Liked My Poem SOB

2005-09-26T11:00:00.000-06:00

Thankless ingrates, no more poetry for you! From now on I will only be sending my poems to Amber, who appreciates my pathetic attempts at being artistic with rhymes.

Have you even wanted to blog but had nothing of interest to write about? That has been me since my last good post on Slapping and So Forth. I tried giving you something new to read, but since it was rejected so cruelly, I will resort to boring you with smut (you wish!).

MJ and I booked the weekend for the BIG MOVE. Unfortunately we had to go with the weekend of the Kinky Flea Market. That is highly disappointing because we were both really looking forward to it [It's the cheapest place to buy really high-quality gear made by local craftsman]. We will keep it in mind, in case by some freak chance we have an opportunity to slip away for a couple of hours on Moving Day (unlikely, but a girl has to hope).

A gentleman whom (I assume) bought a bunch of Tantra Chairs wholesale will be selling them at the flea market for around $700.00 CDN. As far as I am concerned, these things are the greatest idea since sliced bread!

If I had the money I would have one in my bedroom tomorrow. Doesn't this couple look like they are having the time of their lives? And think of the potential for spankings and floggings (among other types of wonderful torture).

The website features a better-than-porn video of positions you can try out. While we were drooling over it, MJ and I discussed making one for ourselves. See, MJ is 6'5 and I doubt that he would be capable of managing the standing positions comfortably. It would be much better to somehow craft a taller version that was custom built to his height. I may have to talk to a friend of mine in the bondage furniture business and see if he even thinks it's possible. I may just have to start saving up for one. It will definitely be going on my Wish List.

Anyway, that's enough fluff for now! Have a great Monday :) 4 more sleeps until the new house is ours!

In The Heat I Get Poetic

2005-09-24T21:00:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I get in a mood to write some poetry. This one isn't really my best, it is meant to be more light-hearted than serious. Anyway, hope you enjoy :)

She found herself
tied to the cross
time for a lesson
on who is boss

He stood behind her
whip in hand
she was shaking hard
she could barely stand

"My little slut
you must obey
not just sometimes
but every day

You cannot choose
which rules you heed
a little reminder
is what you need

I like your spunk
and I love your sass
but you shouldn't forget
who owns your ass"

And then the whip
hissed through the air
and left its mark
on skin so fair

she squirmed and wept
to no avail
there was no escape
from that single tail

Again and again
the welts it raised
the pleasure and pain
leaves her feeling dazed

His hands are on her
his touch like fire
her body trembles
with her desire

Her debt is paid
the punishment done
and yet the night
has just begun...

All Over The Place

2005-09-23T16:44:00.000-06:00

I want to discuss quite a few different topics in this post, so try hard to follow along. I know that when I start into one of my 'Potpourri Posts' I tend to go all over the place and back and forth. It can make for a headache-inducing read. But this time I am going to try hard to move fluidly from one thought to the next. No promises though.

A brief overview of topics for today's post:

Blog Mini-Makeover

Face Slapping

Breath Play

I have given my blog a new coat of paint, so to speak. Meaning I made a few small cosmetic changes as I felt some of my sidebar items were becoming to congested. Make sure you take a look around :) I have also opened a Flickr account to accompany this blog. For now there are just some pretty artsy fartsy photos in the account, but keep and eye on my little thingy over on the right, nudity will be coming in the future ;)

In light of recent events over at The Swan's Heart and Lock and Ki (which I keep forgetting to add to my blog links, but will get to it ASAP) I want to have a little talk about face-slapping in D/s relationships.

It seems that Tom has been unfairly labeled as abusive for slapping swan across the face in a situation that some people have decided to judge as being 'inappropriate'. When I first read about this I brushed off the words of the criticizers as just being ignorant. However, I thought about it some more and read a bit here and there, and it seems that a few people within the lifestyle decided that it is fine to wail on a submissives backside until they draw blood (of course in the context of consensual play) but you should never hit a submissive in the face because that is suddenly abuse! Weird, it makes no sense to me.

I think that face slapping becomes a touchy subject because it is such a personal space on your body. I think that on some kind of subconscious, self-preservation level, your brain does its best to protect itself from injury. I mean, when you trip or fall, don't your reflexes do their best to keep your precious skull from sustaining serious impact? In my personal experience (and I have, for the record, been slapped across the face on more than one occasion) I find that when I know the slap is coming, I find it incredibly hard NOT to shy away. I have to fight against the natural reaction of getting my face and brain out of harms way. This whole factor probably puts a lot of people off of the face slapping thing. It just feels...unnatural, to allow someone to strike you so close to sensitive parts of your body, such as your eyes.

There is also the fact that it can be incredibly humiliating. We all know that people who are actually abusive often strike across the face as the ultimate act of disregard and degradation. At least this is the perception that is fed to us through the media. Since I have never known anyone in a real life abusive situation, this is only speculation on my part. But doesn't the vision of someone getting slapped across the face (ESPECIALLY a woman being hit by a man) just scream out ABUSE to us? Of course it does, and in some situations abuse is occurring.

The difference between abuse and BDSM has always been SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL. Abuse is never consensual, BDSM is ALWAYS consensual, and the moment that it is not consensual, it automatically becomes abuse.

Apparently, according to some people, it just isn't conceivable that any women (or man for that matter) in their right mind would ever consent to being hit across the face. And if she does, she must be so beaten down and broken that she is too pathetic to stand up for herself.

Well EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE me people, but I don't consider myself beaten down or pathetic, and I fully consent to MJ smacking me across the face in ANY situation that he sees fit. Of course, were I in serious fear of my life or well being you can believe that I wouldn't just take that or any other sort of abuse from him. The thing is I know my husband, and there hasn't been a moment yet when I feared him, nor has there been a moment when I found his treatment of me in a D/s context to be inappropriate. And if that should ever occur, we will talk it out, because we are mature adults and we can handle these kinds of situations.

If you cannot personally ever conceive of enjoying or tolerating that kind of treatment, that's fine. Make sure that you and your partner discuss it and set it as one of your hard limits. But please keep in mind, before you go shooting off your exceedingly oversized facial orifice, not everyone draws their lines where you draw yours. And perhaps it is your own fear that YOU would be too pathetic or broken down to stand up for yourself were you in a serious abuse situation, that causes you to offer opinions on a topic you have little to no experience in. And I firmly believe that unless you are one of the two (or more) people involved in a given situation, you should have no opinion, because you don't know even a fraction of what you think you do.

OK, I think that rant is done for today.

Next topic please!

Breath Play. In some circles it is considered a severe and dangerous form of 'edge play'. There is a great article that explains the mechanics and risks involved in breath play far better than I can, so click here if you aren't totally sure what I am talking about.

MJ and I do engage in some forms of low-risk breath play. I can count on one hand the number of times that I actually could not breath at all during a 'session'. Most of the time for us it is the implied breathing control that sparks the thrill. MJ has only ever used his bare hands, and usually he holds my throat tight enough that it accomplishes what is intended, but I am still capable of very shallow breathing. Other times he covers my mouth and my nose so that I absolutely cannot breath, but he never hold it for longer than 10-20 seconds.

We have yet to engage in breath play while I am restrained, so as a signal I pinch whichever part of him I can reach, should he be squeezing too tight, or if there is another problem. Sometimes if he is on top of me and pressing down with one hand he puts a lot of pressure on my collar bones, and that can cause some non-erotic pain. I have actually had chest soreness for a day or two after some of our 'sessions' :)

The attraction for me is the perceived loss of power, and the feeling of having my life, quite literally, in his hands. I do not seek to get a 'buzz' from oxygen deprivation, although that has occurred accidentally a couple of time. I especially enjoy it during mock rape scenes, as well as during just particularly rough sex. Before I met MJ I had acute sensitivities about having my neck touched in any way other than VERY gently. Incorporating this kind of play into our BDSM has been empowering for me in a reverse kind of way. My ability to trust totally in MJ makes me exceedingly happy. I am also glad that I do not let old fears have control over me, or limit the capacity in which MJ and I can play. Being able to hand that part of myself over to him, and not feel even the slightest twinge of fear, is just...well there aren't words really (and if you do happen to feel even the least bit nervous about engaging in breath play, please DO NOT DO IT).

I will have to let MJ blog (if he is so inclined in the future) about the appeal of breath play from his perspective. But I believe that controlling the very breath of your partner would be an incredibly powerful experience. Also knowing that your partner has such deep and total trust in you would be flattering, to say the least.

Of course I know there are people out there that would say I only consent to be strangled by MJ because I am beaten down and don't know any better. And you know what, they can kiss my ass.

One Welt, Two Welt, Red Welt, Blue Welt

2005-09-22T19:00:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was a hard day for me, long and tiring, punctuated by a bout of depression that seemed to take hold of me in the moment I least expected it. I felt needy and out of sorts, I haven't slept right for months because Baby Girl refuses to sleep anywhere except for between MJ and I. Neither MJ or I sleep well at all when we cannot touch each other. We have slept close to each other, our naked bodies pressed against each other, since the very first night we were together. There is something highly unnerving about waking up and not feeling his warm flesh against mine. The fact that I am in the middle of my TOM was no help either.

I sent him a brief e-mail in the afternoon, asking him very nicely to come home and blister my backside with our steel-core leather paddle. After he finished with me I promised to suck his cock until he came (and despite my fantastic oral skills, that is no easy task, let me tell you, MJ has never cum easily just from oral sex). Of course he was only too happy to comply.

I decided that something had to be done about Baby Girls sleeping arrangement as well. I made a point of putting her down in her crib for her nap (usually I let her sleep in our bed). She fussed for a few minutes and then snuggled down into MJ's pillow (she is spoiled now and MJ has been forced to surrender his feather pillow for the greater good). She went to sleep and didn't make another peep until over an hour later.

When MJ got home we ate supper, he helped Little Man pick up all of his toys, and I took Baby Girl to our room for bed. Again I put her in her crib, read her a story, and then laid on our bed where she could see me. She cried for longer than she did at nap time. It was the pouty, angry cry that she always uses to try to get her way. I ignored her, pretending to be asleep. She is nearly 1.5 and she knows that she has not been abandoned, she is just resistant to change. Finally she settled down and went to sleep on MJ's pillow (looks like I will be buying him a new one very soon).

With the kids in bed, MJ wanted to run to the grocery store because we were out of milk and bananas (I live in a house with two little monkey-calf hybrids that seem to live on milk and bananas). He told me to prepare the fold-out bed and get out the tool box. I was to put on my wrist and ankle cuffs, but save the collar for him to put on me.

He left and I did as I was told. The anticipation was delicious as I laid out the toys, arranged the rope, and fastened my cuffs on. Even though I only really wanted the paddle, I put out the floggers and my old leather belt that now serves as a fantastic strap. MJ likes to have selection when it comes to what he beats on me with.

By the time her got back I was all wrapped up in the CSI season finale (I am assuming they showed it because tomorrow night is the season premier). We both love CSI so MJ decided to stretch out on the bed and have me rub all of his sore muscles while we watched. I didn't mind, a happy Dom makes for a happy submissive, and with him all loosened up I was sure he would be inclined to play longer.

Once CSI was over we shut off the TV and he instructed me to assume the position (read face-down on the bed and spread eagle). I did as I was told and he tied my arms and legs to the four corners of the bed, fastening them more tightly than the previous time. He blindfolded me, but I asked nicely that he not use the ring gag because it rubs the corners of my mouth raw and I haven't had time to figure out a practical solution.

After that, things become fuzzy. I know that he gave me a brief warm-up, starting with the rubber flogger, which feels like hundreds of stinging bees when it strikes with any force. The flogger fell over and over, harder than ever before. I felt my skin burning as I fought the urge to cry out. The ring gag was looking pretty good at that point. He flogged my ass, my thighs, and my upper back (more specifically the shoulder area). His accuracy has improved and I wondered vaguely if he had been practicing on a pillow while I wasn't around.

Just when he had pushed me far enough that I almost uttered our slow-down word, he stopped, and ran his hands over the red lashes he had laid on my body. I shuddered and whimpered. And so it went with the small leather flogger, which has a far worse bite than I ever anticipated, and then the paddle. Each time he pushed me right to my limit, and then stopped, taking a moment to reassure me, before switching implements and carrying on. At some points I wept, as the baggage and feelings of inadequacy left me.

The steel-core paddle remains one of my favorite toys. It is totally silent as it slices through the air, landing on the skin with a loud crack that sounds a lot worse than it feels. The paddle is long enough to land soundly across both cheeks at once, leaving a searing red welt in its wake. For reasons unknown, I find the hard impact of it soothing.

MJ made me beg him to hit me harder. I was panting and my rear was burning like never before, but I managed to whimper a weak "please". I know, pretty pathetic begging, but it was the best I could do in the moment. He paddled me a few more times before deciding that I had endured enough. He decided to reward me further by giving me a lovely orgasm (clitoral stimulation only, thanks to my TOM, but incredibly satisfying none the less). My brain was swimming in endorphins and I hardly remember the ending, or him untying me. He held me for a while afterwards, and touched my welted flesh. Finally I was able to get up and he sent me off to the bathroom to examine my marks (he knows that I love looking at them). My shoulders and butt were indeed red. I was a tad surprised that I hadn't started to bruise already, but then again, I do not bruise easily.

I went back to the living room and kept my half of the deal, sucking and licking his rock-hard cock until he came in my mouth. And I even managed to swallow (see this story if you don't already know about my hangup with cum).

We tidied up, I put away the toolbox (I usually do this job because the toolbox is filled to near bursting and I know how to fit everything back in it, LOL). MJ folded the bed back up and made sure the door was locked and then went to take out his contacts. I finished putting things away and blowing out candles, and then we crawled into a Baby Girl-free bed and cuddled as tightly together as possible). I think that I fell asleep within minutes because that is the last thing I remember. I haven't slept so good in ages, and MJ also woke up feeling well rested.

I think that we played harder last night than we ever have before. We both enjoyed it beyond words. Sadly I have no bruises to show for it today. He has promised that he will try harder to leave me some souvenirs the next time ;)

A Good Use For The Forgotten Veggies In Your Fridge...

2005-09-21T19:07:00.000-06:00

Ok, the time has come to unburden myself. After all, this is my blog and that's what it's for, right?

Some of you are going to gasp in horror at what I am about to tell you. A few of you might even lose some respect for me. I am sure that at least one person will want to shriek what a huge hypocrite I am and throw a rotten tomato at me.

I will brave all of that because this is something significant that happened recently and I want to talk about it.

A few weekends ago my best friend V. and I drove to Saskatchewan to visit our other best friend, M. The three of us have been friends for 7 years and we only get together once or twice a year. We make sure to make the most of our time together by staying up until dawn and talking endlessly, about all manner of things.

We also like to re-live moments from our lives as 18 year olds, by going drinking. Basically our trip was a three-day bender for us, and it was loads of fun.

Some of you might know that MJ has more than a passing interest in swinging. Particularly in me being with another man. This thought turns him on beyond reasonable belief, but I have always resisted, due to my severe disapproval of most kinds of swinging (thanks to Tom and Swan I have become a little less narrow-minded in my view of poly relationships). I still think that having sexual relations with anyone other than a persons primary partner can be horribly detrimental.

All that aside, MJ was doing everything in his power to encourage me to seduce some stranger and have my way with him. I dismissed his requests with a half-hearted "we'll see" (which is my classic response to anything that I am not really interested in).

The three of us were out on the town, having drinks on the patio of this large Irish Pub. We met some very nice guys and M. (the only officially single gal of the three of us) was getting very cozy with one of them. I was keeping my drinks fewer and further between than usual because it was our third night out and I had to drive 7 hours home the next day. I was feeling laid back, but nowhere near drunk.

The guys decided to head back to their hotel (some of the group obviously needed to go to bed) and encouraged the three of us to stop by later, whenever we felt like it. That sounded ok, but we decided to stay at the pub until closing time, and then go see them after that.

Shortly after I started chatting with this very attractive guy who had just come from Quebec that very day. His English was good enough that we could have a descent conversation, although he had to ask me to slow down and repeat myself several times. We will call him A for the purposes of this story. He was probably about 5'8, rather thin, with dark curly hair. He had a wonderful smile. It was strange to feel that 'newness' that occurs when you meet someone new and you feel attracted to.

He was at the pub with two friends, one of them was obviously loaded and the other was annoyed because he was tired and wanted to go home, but they couldn't get the loaded guy to get in a cab. Finally sober annoyed friend just left, and then I called a cab for overly loaded guy and we sent him home. The bar was closing, so V. and I ducked inside to use the restroom and discuss what the plan was for the rest of the night. I was feeling conflicted. One one hand fooling around outside of my marriage goes against so many of my morals. On the other hand I was attracted to this guy and I knew that MJ would be thrilled with me. V. encouraged me to go for it, she said that while she and M. went to the hotel to see the guys from earlier, I could take A. back to M's house and see what happened.

M's house was a few blocks away, so I decided that it would be ok to go there, and if I chickened out I would just call him a cab and send him on his way. M. slipped me the keys, said see ya later, and she and V. took off. A. was highly confused by all of this and I tried to explain that my friends went to see other friends of theirs and blah blah blah. The language thing was kind of a challenge, nevermind the fact that he was nearly impossible to read (something I am usually very good at).

We walked to M's and went inside. We sat on the couch and talked for a while, I asked him questions about Quebec and why he decided to come out to Saskatchewan of all places. I found out that he was only 19! I felt kind of weird about that, even though I am only 23 I feel like I am in my 40's most days. I can't relate to most people my age because they are still living the wild, carefree days while I have a husband, two kids, and a brand new house.

We were talking and then he leaned in to kiss me, and I pulled away at the last second. I felt strange. Part of me was excited, because it was new and fun and he was good looking and interested me. The way my self-esteem has been lately it was rather thrilling to have attention from a man other than MJ. Another part of me was resistant because, well, I just don't do things like that.

When he leaned in again, I kissed him. It was nice; strange, but nice. We kissed for a while, there was some petting that brought back memories of awkward high school moments, and I ended up performing oral sex on him. That was pretty much it. My friends returned from the hotel and I called a cab for A. and sent him on his way. I related an entire moment by moment replay to MJ and my friends. MJ of course was pleased beyond words. He said he probably masturbated six times that night, both while he was waiting for me to call (he knew that I was at my friends house with a strange guy) and after he spoke to me. I was glad that he was so pleased, and at the time, I felt fine about it. No massive guilt, no regret. In fact I was very turned on, not so much by A., but by how excited MJ was.

The next day during the 7 hour drive, I had plenty of time to examine my feelings deeper. While a part of me enjoyed the newness and the excitement of hooking up with someone new, there was something off.

It disturbed me that I felt attached to A. I felt sad that I would never see him again, and I was vaguely disappointed in the lack of intimacy that I felt during the act itself. It became clear to me that I was no longer able to separate my sexuality from my emotions. I also realized that I expected more from sexual acts. I wanted intimacy, and affection. I wanted it to be like it is with MJ. Of course that is totally impossible, since no one will ever be MJ.

Since I found it impossible to detach myself from the situation, I developed some feelings of infatuation for A. That is something that MJ never predicted, and we had a few moments of awkwardness while discussing it once I got home. Still MJ didn't seem that put off by it, although I was having a lot of trouble coming to terms with my feelings. He still maintains that it was fantastic, and would like for it to happen again as soon as possible.

While I appreciate his enthusiasm, and I try my best to maintain an open-mind when it comes to his sexual fantasies (as he has for me), I am not sure that I can ever detach myself from sexual intimacy like I used to be able to. Yes, I went through a phase when I had sex with stray men (not too many, few enough that I can count them without having to take my socks off). I was young and unsure of how to deal with my desires in a positive way. But that was before I met MJ, or got married, or had children.

Nowadays things are very different for me. I have different needs. It isn't just about fucking. I expect to feel emotionally fulfilled by sexual encounters, and the only person who can do that for me is MJ. When I am with MJ I know that I am loved and protected and cared for. You can't compare that to empty screwing around, devoid of emotion or intimacy. I just don't want to go there anymore.

Not to mention that I am such a freak about infidelity and swinging, no matter how consensual. It just feels...wrong to be with anyone else. I am glad that MJ has total faith in my love for him, and that I married such a wonderful and open-minded individual. I just don't think that anything positive [for me] can come from doing that, or anything more serious, ever again.

There, I got it off my chest. I feel better :) Please feel free to pelt me with rotten produce.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

2005-09-21T09:30:00.000-06:00

Well MJ's blog is up and running, so to speak. There isn't any content there yet (although there is a photo of my nearly-naked rear end). His blog, like mine, will probably not get very active until sometime in November, after we have settled into the new house (and get internet service hooked up).

In the mean time you can go there and leave a nice comment and remember to check back from time to time :)

Moments Of Repose

2005-09-20T23:21:00.000-06:00

In all the excitement and stress that comes with the count-down to the house, I neglected to relate a most enjoyable evening that MJ and I had last Friday.

There are few things as relaxing as being tied face-down to a bed, a blindfold over ones eyes and a ring gag held snuggly between your teeth. This is exactly the situation I found myself in Friday evening.

MJ put on my collar and leather cuffs, tied me to the four corners of our hide-a-bed, (so easy to play in the living room while we are still sharing our room with Baby Girl) and proceeded to coax my rear end to a lovely shade of crimson.

He used the little strap on me, the floggers, and finally one of my favorite implements, the steel-core paddle. I was a puddle of goo by the time he finished with me.

Then he left me tied up while he fucked me into oblivion and used one of my vibrators on my clit until I came so hard I left teeth marks in the leather wrapped around the ring gag.

Neither of us could stop grinning like fools for the rest of the weekend :) And what a wonderful distraction after a rather hectic week.

Some Stones Are Better Left Un-Turned

2005-09-18T21:36:00.000-06:00

Something of importance (at least to myself) has been occupying a tiny corner of my conscious thought for some time now. I am wondering how MJ and I will continue to keep our secrets from our kids in the future years.

In the new house there is a special room. We designed it in a way that its existence will not be obvious, and we plan to install a hidden door that masquerades as a bookcase, and tell all of our friends and family that it is my dark room (I am just getting into photography so that won't be a stretch). Of course any time anyone is over there will be film processing in there..."Don't mind that room, just a dark-room, and I am developing some film so I will have to show you some other time"

That should work out fine for the next decade or so. And then Little Man will become a teenager, and teenagers are notoriously snoopy. I know this because I was one not so long ago. I found my mothers sex toys which were thankfully few in number and very vanilla in nature. One day, one of my kids will figure out that our basement is not shaped exactly like the main floor. Or they will bump the wall in my hobby room and notice the hollow sound that is not normal for a basement wall. After that they will not rest until they have satisfied their curiosity.

I honestly do not want to scar my kids for life. I don't want to have to sit down with them for a sex talk AND a BDSM talk. And I am sure that after the fact they will wish that they had just kept their noses out of it so they don't have to think about MJ and I and anything that sexual.

I'm not out to raise prudish kids, but I also don't believe in being too open with your kids about your sex life. Sure be open about sex in general, answer all their questions, educate them on being safe and so forth. But I just wouldn't feel comfortable describing carnal acts to them over a cup of coffee on a Sunday morning. And I am not talking about when they are too young for that sort of thing, I am talking about EVER! Some people I know have that level of openness with their mum's, but sorry, not my kids.

I was raised in a very old-fashioned family. I like to think that I am a bit of black sheep... I will not squirm like I have been holding in pee for three days, when my kids ask me a question about sex. I will also not over-educate them or share personal stories in an effort to be 'friends' with them. They will get enough of that from the sluts at school anyway.

I want them to be open-minded but respectful. Is that really too much to ask?

But I digress...

What will I do to keep them out of that room? Any readers with suggestions about handling snoopy friends, family members, or kids when it comes to your kink?

Thanks For Coming Out

2005-09-16T10:16:00.000-06:00

Thank you to everyone who has made suggestions on the blog template for MJ! He really likes a few of them and I promise to announce very loudly for everyone as soon as his blog starts up. Keep the title ideas coming if you have any to add!

On that note, last night he was looking at some of the suggestions and he said out loud something to the effect of "why do all these people want to read my blog?" I replied that it was probably because I have been talking about him on my blog for over a year and my readers are curious to see things from his perspective. I let him think on that for a moment and then I said "see what I mean about the pressure?"

I have talked quite a bit on my old blog about the pressure one starts to feel when you amass readers and commenters. You can fall into a trap of playing to the crowd and lose sight of what your blog was supposed to be for to begin with. I hate that, and that is a large reason that I moved my blog. I felt that I could be more honest without the pressure of what I had set myself up for over at The Dungeon. I felt like my readers were expecting one thing, and I wanted to give them something else. Now here we are, and although it has been slow, I feel good about this blog.

MJ agreed with me that it is kind of weird to feel obligated to be funny, witty, or sexy. I really hope that this doesn't scare him away from blogging. Don't worry guys, I am glad that you are encouraging him to write :)

In other news, the new house is inching ever closer to completion and MJ and I are inching ever closer to insanity. This week has been very busy for us. I have been running around, kids in tow, settling last minute details and making phone calls to assure that we will have water and power after we get possession. MJ has been taking care of the legal and money stuff. Sending paperwork here and there and setting up delivery of appliances and so forth. All kinds of fun stuff.

13 days, 19 hours, 46 minutes, 32 seconds and Counting.

Suggestions Please!

2005-09-11T21:04:00.000-06:00

I have recently built a blog template for MJ, since he is about to embark into this strange world of bloggers (it is such a relief because now I can bring him along to all the secret blogger meetings).

We are trying to think of a good title for the blog, but I thought it might be fun to poll my readers for suggestions. The blog is going to be about love and sex, relationship type stuff you know.

You can take a look at the template here [the link is broken as the page in question no longer exists], and submit your suggestions to the comments board there (or here, if you insist).

Looking forward to seeing if anyone is feeling creative!

Relationship Rumination

2005-09-10T16:34:00.000-06:00

GASP! The second post in less than a week! See, didn't I promise you more excitement around here?

Today, as I cleaned our condo in a hectic fit (our landlord is bringing someone by to see it any minute) I reflected on my marriage and how lucky I am to have such an amazing man in my life. I do most of my best thinking while I am elbow-deep in soapy water or folding the endless loads of laundry that seem to reproduce themselves faster than your average clan of rodents.

The past few weeks have been eye-opening to say the least. MJ and I went over a bit of a rough spot near the end of August, and since then we have been examining our relationship with a microscope. This kind of intense reflection usually exposes strengths or weaknesses, the flaws and faultlessness of yourself and your partner come to the surface, glaringly obvious.

We have emerged with a renewed appreciation of each other. We don't take our marriage or our love for granted. It may feel as natural as breathing for us to be in love with each other, which lead to slippage into a lulled state of security, where we began to assume that nothing could possibly be amiss in our little snow-globe world of existence. Of course at that moment everything came crashing down.

I don't feel like going into vast details. I believe that there are some things that are sacred within a marriage, and should not be divulged to the world.

In many ways it was a positive thing for us. It is too easy to get caught up with children and work and the daily grind of life. Too often we forget the things that make life worth living. Sometimes it takes a serious kick in the teeth to bring them to your attention.

We have talked and talked and talked, then talked some more. We have reconnected with each other, remembering all of the feelings and thoughts that brought us together in the beginning. It has been like re-living the early days of our relationship. When everything was new to us and we were giddy with infatuation. I wonder how these feelings ever got lost in the shuffle, it makes me sad, but also thankful that I am getting this chance to remember.

It's like remembering something that was never completely forgotten, just pushed aside for far too long.

Things That Go Bump In The Night

2005-09-08T18:29:00.000-06:00

Ok, I know it has been BEYOND boring around here for almost a month. Actually even longer than that, since my last post was far below my usual caliber of writing (in my opinion).

Basically we have been really busy, couple that with some issues between MJ and I, stress over the new house, and you get stagnant blogging (at least for me).

But things are looking up. MJ and I are back on an even keel. In fact we are better than ever, like teenagers again, unable to keep our hands off of each other. It's nice to have that feeling back again, however long it will last, which I hope is for the rest of our lives, but that could become exhausting, LOL.

Things with the new house are progressing. The kitchen cabinets and counter top are in and it's starting to make me sick with excitement every time I walk through it. We are set to get possession September 30th but I am skeptical that it will be finished by then. Hopefully they will amaze me.

My 23 birthday came and went on September 1. I got a fantastic stainless steel coffee maker from the kids. MJ is waiting to let me pick out my own gift at the Kinky Flea Market that is coming up in October. We are both looking forward to that event with much anticipation.

The summer is starting to creep into hiding again, as the leaves turn to yellow and the air becomes crisp and cool. We feel like we have been in total limbo while waiting for the house and going to countless family functions through the summer. Usually I would mourn the loss of a summer with so little time for relaxation. This year I am just grateful that it passed quickly, drawing us ever closer to moving into our dream house (complete with a room for a dungeon). These last few weeks are going to feel like slow torture, and not the kind that I enjoy at the hands of my husband.

Blogging here should pick up for the next few weeks as I struggle to pass the time. Then there might be another long hiatus (who knows how long we could be without internet access). But I know that my 1.5 readers will still be here upon my return. And then the real good times will begin as I post pictures of our evolving dungeon! Good times will be had by all, I promise.

Until next time, take care and play safe.

Not A Happy Submissive

2005-08-15T20:51:00.000-06:00

Sigh, one hectic weekend down, one more to go.

I don't want to reduce myself to a sniveling submissive, whimpering her displeasure at things beyond her control.

But this is my blog, so you'd better sit down.

For two people in such a wonderful marriage, and who are so totally in sync with each other on almost everything, MJ and I are lacking in the BDSM department these days. We are just so busy, and everything is getting in the way. Neither of us has time or energy at the same moment, one is always too tired, too preoccupied, you name it.

How I miss the feel of my collar around my neck. The sharp pain of MJ's hand landing on my up-turned rear end. I even miss the dreadful ping-pong paddle that I so detest. Mostly I miss the feelings, the nervous anticipation, the deep fulfillment that I get when he dominates me in the way that he does.

Of course there is still plenty of domination going around in this house. Just more subtle, and rarely involving any of my favorite implements. Recently he has become far more aggressive with holding my throat during foreplay and sex. In the beginning I could tell that he was hesitant, but now it is so much rougher, more serious. There have been times that I couldn't swallow or breath, and I think back on those moments now and I marvel at how it made me feel. So far, few things can make me feel so spacey and submissive. I am beginning to understand the allure of breath play. I feel totally safe with MJ, not a moment of panic or fear has ever occurred. I know that he would never harm me. Rough me up and leave some bruises, sure, but never would he cause me serious harm.

Over the weekend I acquired one of those plastic rods that are on horizontal blinds for windows. You know what I am talking about, you use them to open or close the blinds. I have heard that they can be a marvelous substitute for a traditional rattan cane. We have yet to test it out, but I am hoping it won't be too far away.

Ah well, there is plenty of time I suppose. Once the kids are grown and move away... LOL. Hopefully I will not have to wait that long.

Submissive Atrophy

2005-08-04T09:25:00.000-06:00

I know, I have been a bad, bad girl for not posting more often. Someone should surely tie me up and spank the daylights out of me (any takers?).

The summer is slowly, but surely, starting to wind down. Only a couple more weekends of stress to endure, only a couple more projects to get done. Then it will be time to pack up our stuff and move into the new house. Then the unpacking and settling in.

It's not looking so good in the blogging department. Things probably won't be normal around here until sometime in October or November. I hope you can all bear with us and stick around until then.

In the mean time, I have been following my webgroups like I always do and recently a submissive man posted a long bit about his life of late as it relates to submission. I don't have permission to re-post any parts of it, so I will give you the condensed version.

Currently he is without a Domme, and has been for some time. He used to be interested in play any way he could get it, but he has noticed that as he is forced to take on more and more control in his everyday life (via work and so on), his desire to be submissive has decreased, or become somewhat dormant. He worries that perhaps he is becoming so out of practice that he is losing his 'submissiveness'. He questions whether it is possible for someone to stop being submissive out of lack of *exercising* that part of himself. He wonders if submission can atrophy from lack of use, like a muscle. He is aware that he feels conflicted within himself.

I thought on this for some time. There have been times in my life when submission was the farthest thing on my mind. Times when I had to be in control so much of the time that I forced submission away, locked it in a closet because there was no room for it in my nature at the moment. Of course I always knew it was there, knocking quietly, waiting for a time when it would be drawn out again, into the light. If I allowed myself to be quiet for a moment, to still myself and really listen, I could hear it there. It is something that can never be totally lost, for it is a part of me, just as my organs are a part of me, just as my mind and soul are a part of me. But, like muscles, if submission is not exercised for some time it will become stiff and awkward. Fortunately, the condition is reversible.

I believe that the man in question is feeling conflicted because he KNOWS that his submission is in there, waiting to be released. But the one who holds the key has not yet crossed his path in this life. When he finds her, he will remember, and he will feel right within his own skin again.

Please, feel free to share your own thoughts on this :)

In Case Of Emergency

2005-07-29T08:39:00.000-06:00

This was brought to my attention via one of my discussion groups. Just thought I would give my readers a little head's up. Seems like a good idea to me. It's also making the rounds on e-mail, so if you like, pass it on.

The London incident has promoted concerns and I share with you what one of my European colleagues just sent. As long as everyone knows what ICE stands for, it is not a bad idea. A useful thing to add to your mobile address book!

It was thought up by an ambulance man/paramedic who found that when they went to the scenes of accidents there were always mobile phones but they didn't know which numbers to call and he thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name to file "next of kin" under.

Following the disaster in London . . .East Anglian Ambulance Service have launched a national "In case of Emergency (ICE)" campaign with the support of Falklands war hero Simon Weston.

The idea is that you store the word " I C E " in your mobile phone Address book, and against it enter the number of the person you would want to be contacted "In Case of Emergency".

In an emergency situation ambulance and hospital staff will then be able to quickly find out who your next of kin are and be able to contact them. It's so simple that everyone can do it. Please do.

Please will you also email this to everybody in your address book, it won't take too many 'forwards' before everybody will know about this. It really could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest.

For more than one contact name ICE1, ICE2, ICE3 etc.

Busy Busy

2005-07-27T09:42:00.000-06:00

I know it's been a little quiet around here. I am in the midst of a huge project for a family function in a couple of weeks so I have been trying to devote most of my time to that.

In other news, last night MJ and I had VERY FREAKING AMAZING SEX! I know it was good because my ears were ringing afterwards, lol. And it was anal sex on top of it all! The foreplay was fantastic. He teased me, touching me all over, except for the most obvious parts. Before I knew it I was a panting, writhing mess begging to be fucked up the butt. Of course he didn't mind fulfilling that request.

Anyway, hope you all are having a good week! I'll try to post again soon.

What I Do When I Am Bored

2005-07-22T11:16:00.000-06:00

I tinker around on my computer, that's what. Last night, while I was waiting for MJ to get home from his poker night, I decided to design some T-Shirts for this blog, LOL.

Here's one of the front options...

And the back...

And a different front if you don't want to walk around with a half naked girl on your shirt...

So, who wants to buy one???

Top Five Toys In Our Toolbox

2005-07-21T17:55:00.000-06:00

I was just taking a look at the number and frequency of posts I have written here since I started. I hadn't really realized that I was going so long between posts! I must be an awfully boring read. I can chalk it up to being really busy (our summer is soooooo over-booked), but I want to make an effort to write more often.

I belong to a few local webgroups having to do with kink and all manners of BDSM. Sometimes I like to borrow questions and topics from there to write about here. Today is one of those times.

Recently someone asked what 10 items in our collection of implements we would keep if we had to give up everything else. I don't know if everyone has 10 things that they love that much so I am pruning it down to five. I am going to list mine and then 'tag' some other kinky bloggers to list theirs. Hopefully they won't mind playing along :)

Five Toys I Would Keep:

1. The leather cuff set I had custom-made last Christmas. Cuffs are so versatile, they can be used for bondage or just for fashion.

2. The steel-core leather paddle I bought at the sex show last November. It's big and heavy and packs a lot of ouch.

3. My G-Spot vibrator. I have never actually achieved a g-spot orgasm with it, but it is just the right shape for both vaginal and anal penetration; I keep it in my bedside table.

4. The leather flogger that we bought at the kinky flea market this year. It has a turned-wood handle and 24 inch cowhide tails. It is kind of thuddy, the pain level can be minimal or major ouch, depending on how it is being used.

5. My leather collar. Ok, I didn't like it at first because it isn't really my taste, but nothing puts me in subspace faster than hearing that little lock click shut at the back of my neck.

So there you have it. I may have MJ weigh in on his preferences later (in case they are different than mine). Feel free to share yours in comments! I would like to tag Gabby, Swan or Tom (whoever wants to answer), and Lady Calliah. And maybe each of them will tag three people and so forth!

All's Quiet On The Blog Front

2005-07-21T10:02:00.000-06:00

I promise that I am still alive and that I haven't abandoned this blog. We were on holidays and then MJ took the computer with him on a short business trip. Anyway, back now for a little while. Did I forget to warn you that my summer is so insane, blogging will probably be slow from now until sometime in October.

I will post something worth reading soon, I promise! Take care all, hope you're having a great summer!

*hugs*

Happy Birthday MJ!

2005-07-18T17:39:00.000-06:00

I am retro-posting this so that the date stamp will be on MJ's actual birthday instead of today (which is actually July 21).

I love you with all my heart MJ :) I hope that you enjoyed your birthday celebration as much as I did ;)

Life's A Dance

2005-07-04T00:18:00.000-06:00

Recently I have been thinking on the nature of submission. Not just mine, but submission in general (from what I have read and talked about with other subs and Doms).

There are as many kinds of submission as there are submissives. Each finds his or her own balance in the dance of surrendering to another person. Sometimes toes are stepped on, sometimes the steps change, the music shifts, or you find a new partner. But for those of us who have a deep need for submission, the dance continues, even if we are just spectating longingly from the side lines.

Personally I try to be as obedient as possible when I am wearing my 'submissive hat' (we can all relate to changing gears between being mother, housewife, employee, boss, etc). Sometimes I will engage in playful bratting, because I enjoy the power struggle involved in being 'forced' to submit. I try to be good as much as the next gal, but even I have days where I slip into full-blown bitch mode. MJ and I haven't really worked out a D/s related way to deal with those moments. I am a very self-aware person, so I usually do something to snap myself out of it as soon as I realize I am being crankier than necessary.

We sort of dabbled with the idea of trying Domestic Discipline (also known as DD), but we quickly realized that it just will not work with our present life circumstances. Nor are we much interested in that particular aspect of the lifestyle. Not to say that MJ cannot punish me whenever he wishes, we just don't bother with scheduled spankings or spanking as a deterrent of bad behavior. That said, MJ still reserves the right to put me over his knee for whatever reason he chooses. He has far more horrifying ways of inflicting punishment on me (so awful I will not mention them right now). He prefers to reserve spankings and so forth for erotic playtime.

Even though vanilla life has gotten in the way (and will continue to for some time) lately, we seem to have struck a kind of comfortable, everyday D/s state. I don't need MJ to tie me up and flog me into euphoria in order for me to feel owned by him. I have come to feel owned by him all the time. He reinforces it continually, with a few well-chosen words, a tug of my hair, or a playful swat of my rear end. They are not obvious things, but we both know what they symbolize and that is enough to keep us happy between the euphoric floggings/paddlings/whatever her chooses to use on me.

Some people are not selective in their submission. They simply feel the drive to submit, and are able to do so with multiple play partners. I have my own theories on this practice, including the suspicion that they are never fully able to submit during casual play, which is totally normal, and to be expected. My submission is not broad-spectrum, it is focused solely on MJ. I have no desire to submit to anyone but him, although I may not object to bondage/discipline play with someone else, given the right circumstances. But no one else can make me want to give over my entire being; only my husband holds that strange and wonderful power over me.

We dance a strange dance, and we don't always know all the right steps, and sometimes we step on each others toes, but the dance continues, and I hope that it never stops.

I Can't Get No Satisfaction

2005-06-17T18:16:00.000-06:00

If I don't get sex soon I may just FREAK OUT!

Due to time and energy constraints this week has been practically sex-free. Well, except for one brief but very hot encounter in the middle of the night. No orgasm for me, I was just in one of those moods where it would have been far too much work. Sometimes I just like enjoying the experience, without having to focus on having an orgasm. Maybe I am weird that way.

I have been more than a little horny the past three days especially. My dreams and thoughts are filled with X-rated images. Tonight while I was preparing corn on the cob for supper, all I could think about was how bad I wanted to use it for more than just a side dish.

Perhaps the true masochist in me has prevented me from seeking any satisfaction through self-attention. The fact that one of my kids has given up napping does not present a lot of opportunities for the required alone-time.

Of course the building frustration does serve a purpose, once the floodgates are released...well, they really get released!

Insomnia Is A Blogs Best Friend

2005-06-12T01:58:00.000-06:00

MJ is not home tonight. He had an event (no, not kink related) to attend in Edmonton that requires him to be gone overnight. Originally the kids and I were going to go along too, and stay at my in-laws. But Little Man and I have a sinus cold, Baby Girl started getting symptoms yesterday too, so I opted to stay home with my munchkins.

Without MJ here I find it nearly impossible to sleep. I used to be the kind of girl that couldn't share her personal space at night, but no longer. These days (err...nights) I lay awake for hours on end if the warm body of my husband is not pressed against me. We don't usually fall asleep cuddling, but always some parts of us are touching. I find it unnerving to reach over unconsciously and not find him there. It practically guarantees tossing and turning for much of the night.

So I adopted a new strategy to cope. Don't go to bed until I am so exhausted sleep in inevitable. Blogging is an acceptable way to pass the time, while I watch soft-core porn on Showcase.

MJ just gave me our standard "Goodnight, sweet dreams, love you, miss you" call that we always make when one of us is away. Sometimes that is enough, often one of us will call later into the night and whimper into the receiver about how lonely we are. Very rarely, but often enough to be mentioned, phone sex occurs. Yes, tacky as some people think that it is. I hate to call it phone sex. We mostly just relate what we could be up to should we only be a few inches apart instead of a few hundred miles. If one or both of us is sufficiently awake and horny enough to bother, masturbation might occur.

Did you know that the first time MJ and I spoke on the phone we had phone sex? Yup. It was awkward, adolescent-like, and kind of unusual because we had never met in real life. Perhaps that added to the thrill because we were free to imagine each other just as we wanted. If it is of any consequence, he was almost identical, if not hotter, than I imagined him.

Tonight I may have to be content to pleasure myself alone, since he sounded exhausted on the phone and will probably be sawing logs by the time I hit publish and head to bed.

Speaking of which, I think it's about that time. Sweet dreams all :)

Filling The Gap

2005-06-09T23:09:00.000-06:00

I am talking about the generation gap, dirty perverts.

I was raised in a large Catholic family. My immediate and extended family was quite obviously dominated by the women, they wear the pants in their relationships; a trait that has sentanced at least one of them to eternal singlehood (this is wonderful if it is your desired path, but her dream in life was to marry and have kids). If my aunts and mother had not blessed/cursed with abnormally large breasts (we are talking DD or larger) I am sure that bra burnings would have been a regular occurrence during family gatherings. Sex was never discussed, except if I cornered my mother with a question that could not be explained away with storks or baby supermarkets.

Perhaps I am so violently bucking the family norms due to the oppressive nature of my upbringing. I rebelled of course, and decided to embrace and celebrate my sexuality. I want to try new things, and I make an effort to avoid developing hang ups about sexual acts. I might be considered a black sheep, although I don't share details of my sex life with my family.

During my time reading and writing sex blogs I have noticed that women from older generations have a harder time accepting their feelings of Dominance or submission. They also appear to have more hang ups related to the anus or other sex acts that are traditionally considered taboo. I suppose that my generation has been raised in a society that is more liberated than any other before it. That has become more apparent to me as of late, thanks to blogging and the internet.

Women in their late thirties and up seem to have a harder time accepting their sexual desires, and sharing them with their partners. I am sure this problem could apply to men as well, but I don't read a lot of sex blogs by men so I have very little data on which to form an opinion.

It is interesting to me that even after the much praised 'sexual revolution' (which in my opinion was simply a side effect of the drugs and not because serious strides were made to educate society as a whole) women are still reluctant to get honest about their needs and desires.

I grew up while homosexuality was starting to come out of the closet. I think that my family being SO against homosexuality made me want to support it (which I do). I think that I should thank my narrow-minded mother for my open-minded stance on sexuality and morality, among other things. Everything she hated I decided to love.

Oddly, the women in my family took a rather pathetic stance on infidelity. From what I can tell, if you have kids at home and you have no job (which none of them did while they had kids at home) you just pretend you don't know it's happening. Even though I can appreciate the hard situation this created I would rather be a single mother than knowingly share my husband with another woman. I think that these things, among others, spawned a deep level of disgust in me when it comes to people who step out on their spouse.

All that said, besides the obvious social suppression, do you suppose there are other reasons that these differences between the generations exist? I wasn't around at the time that these women were growing up so I can only speculate on the popular morals and ideals of the time. Does anyone care to shed a little more light on the topic? Maybe I am making generalizations about my own generation and I am just an exception. I do like to believe that I am exceptional ;) LOL

How To Use This Blog

2005-06-09T22:40:00.000-06:00

Since I have a mix of new readers and continuing readers (from my other blog), I just wanted to give everyone the run-down on how things work around here.

Linking: Please feel free to link to me, anyone who wants to, even readers from The Dungeon days. Like I said at the old blog, I didn't start fresh because of what happened with the comments on that blog that shall remain nameless. Those that know me probably saw it coming for a long time. I am not in hiding, I don't really care if 'those' people know about this blog. So please, don't hesitate to link me :)

If you are a 'free porn' listing site, please refrain from linking, I don't like you people!

I watch my stats, if I find out that someone linked me and I don't like their site, I will politely ask them via e-mail to remove my blog from their links. If that doesn't work I may ask them on their comments board. And if that doesn't work and I REALLY don't like what they are about I will FLAME their ass to hell here on my blog. Watch for those posts, they will be fun, LOL.

If you want me to read and/or link your blog feel free to ask. I have a screening process for links, if I don't read you, I don't link you. I am willing to look at new sites, because sometimes I find a really neat one, but asking for a link does not guarantee that you will get one. Feel free to get pissy and not link me. If I find you boring/disgusting/etc I probably don't want a link from your site anyway, I am not a traffic whore.

Commenting: I like comments, even if you want to tell me that my blog gives you nightmares and you are sure I will rot in hell. I love to debate, but I will refrain from bothering if you appear to lack the intelligence of a fruit fly.

I also happily accept comments via e-mail. Be aware that any e-mails set become personal property of me and are potential blog material (unless you ask me specifically not to and provide some good reasons). I am not unreasonable, but some of my commenters are insightful and I like to share wisdom with the world. Comments from asshats can also provide a good laugh for all of us.

If I find your comment to be lacking even basic intelligence I will delete it, or post it on the blog and poke fun at you.

Quotes: If you borrow something that I say here for your own blog, please provide a link back to this blog. I don't mind being quoted, even if you are mocking me, but at least allow your readers to judge my knowledge or lack there of for themselves.

Images: From time to time I may post original artwork or photos that belong to me. I don't mind if you borrow them or use them on your site. Like quotes, please provide a link back to this blog.

Thank you, that is all.

Murphy's Law

2005-06-06T12:19:00.000-06:00

Nothing as chaotic or unorganised as a move on short notice can pass without at least one truly humiliating event occurring in it's midst. Here is the high (or low, depending on your perspective) point of our move.

Since Baby Girl was teething, and had a stomach bug, and was totally traumatized on the DAY OF THE MOVE I had to leave most of the last-minute packing to my mother and grandmother, who had made the two hour treck to help me in my hour of need.

That was all fine and dandy, if not a little annoying due to my overwhelming dislike of having other people (even my relatives) handle my possessions.

The move came and went, my helpful annoying relatives went home, and MJ and I were left to the unpacking. As I rifled through boxes and suitcases, trying to remember where my mother and grandmother had told me they put certain things, I came to a horrifying realization. Two floggers and a leather strap that we had bought at the kinky flea market had been left in the closet, since there was no room in the tool box. I had intended to pack them myself, but with Baby Girl and all the upheaval they had left my mind. I recalled my grandmother saying that she had packed the contents of the closet into one of our large suitcases. My stomach turned as I unzipped the bag and began feeling around inside. Sure enough, my hand brushed the leather tails of one of the floggers and instant embarrassment set in.

OH MY GOD, my grandmother saw some of our...instruments.

I can just picture her standing there, looking at them. And then she probably called my mom into the room and said "What do you suppose these are for?"

If my mom saw them I can almost guarantee that sooner or later she will broach the subject, even if it is just to get reassurance that we do not use those 'things' on our children.

Perhaps I will be fortunate and she will suffer selective amnesia.

I Like To Move It Move It

2005-06-05T17:34:00.000-06:00

Just a quick post to let you all know I am still alive! I survived the move, however my laptop adapter died a few days before and we just got a new one today, so I have not had access to the internet. Anyway, I am back now!

The move went sort of ok. My rugrats have not adjusted well, especially baby girl, who has not stopped crying since Wednesday. Today was her first good day, she hardly cried.

Little Man is doing ok, he seems to like the new condo. He really likes his room, even though it is tiny and filled with boxes, LOL.

Our new house is moving along. The cement basement has been done and next week they will start framing. We put some money down on an awesome fridge and a washer/dryer pair. All top of the line of course ;) (it helps to know someone who sells appliances, LOL).

I can't write much more for now. Lots of e-mail to reply to and lots of unpacking left to be done. I hope everyone had a great weekend!

Anal Sex Is Like Riding A Bicycle...But Only If That Bicycle Has A Cock Crammed Up Your Rear

2005-05-28T20:56:00.000-06:00

Recently I have rediscovered my love of anal sex. It seems that some time during my pregnancies I forgot how to do it.

The key is to relax and go SLOW!

It feels soooooooooooo good. Especially since I know how much it turns MJ on. It makes me really hot when he calls me a dirty slut and a whore while his cock is deep in my ass. It makes me feel so filthy and submissive...mmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

We moved most of our stuff to storage today. Just the bare necessities from now until September.

Of course, our tool box brimming with sex toys is still in the closet where it belongs (he he).

We had an anal 'quickie' today (something that was rare even back before kids). Usually I prefer my anal sex when I am a panting, horny, animal. Quickie anal isn't quite as satisfying as long, slow, loving anal sex. It is more uncomfortable, but it is also oddly satisfying, urgent, and hot. Even the discomfort (anal sex shouldn't hurt, so if it does, something is not right) is hot. Having MJ use me, having no regard for my pain or pleasure; that makes my thighs tremble and my pussy twitch with desire.

Anyway, I gotta go. Still in the process of packing and preparing to move to the condo we are renting until the house is built.

Evolution

2005-05-28T04:47:00.000-06:00

Welcome to this new blog. Some of you may know me from my former blog "Descent Into The Dungeon".

All things evolve over time, and this blog is just another leg in my personal journey as a submissive (among other things).