Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Peeling Off My Skin

Have you ever been going along, living your life all Tra La La, everything right in the world. And then suddenly something happens, and you are left questioning things that you have been taught and believed in since you were a small child? You discover that sometimes the ideas that you have come to accept as true, are perhaps not as true as you thought. It leaves one with an uneasy feeling and you start to wonder if you should embrace these new possibilities, or simply hang on to your old way of thinking.

In case you are wondering, something like this happened to me just recently. I am still trying to make sense of it all. Just when I think that I have it pulled all apart and put back together, a piece comes off and refuses to go back on in the way that I want it to. It's like a Rubik's cube from hell. I keep turning it over and examining it some more, and it makes me feel so uncomfortable because I am trying to find answers and I don't know if there really are any.

MJ is being wonderful of course, giving me plenty of time to try and make sense of it all, at the same time being so supportive and understanding. He encourages me to analyze it outloud, listening while I struggle. I am so very lucky to have such a wonderful man to love me.

I want this discomfort to go away. I feel conflicted, and tired. MJ says that I toss and turn at night, and I wake up feeling like I have been run over by a rather large and fast-moving motor vehicle. How long is this going to last?



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