Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Can MJ Come Out And Play?

Recently some questions regarding protocols related to requesting play were posed in one of my webgroups. We have zero experience when it comes to asking to play (or being asked) with anyone. We have not been out in our community yet (mainly due to our children and the rarity of having time away from them). So I decided to toss this out to my readers and see what you all think.

It is common knowledge that if a Dom A wishes to play with a sub who is already in a relationship with Dom B, Dom A should ask permission from Dom B in order to play with said sub.

But what about if a sub wishes to play with a Dom who already has a primary submissive? Do the rules change if the Dom/sub pair in question is married or in some other form of serious relationship (such as the sub being collared to the Dom)?

What about switches. If Jane is a sub to Bob, but is also a switch, and wants to Dom Joe, does Joe have to clear things with Bob first? Does he assume that if Jane invites him to bottom to her that everything with Bob is fine?

OK, here's MY humble opinion. I recommend that if you wish to play with anyone who is already involved in a relationship, you get to know them well first, to see if they are even open to the idea of playing with others. Because of the way I am, if any sub approached MJ for play I would probably throttle him or her because I am a possessive bitch and mean as a pitbull when I wanna be. If he or she approached MJ while I wasn't around, or via e-mail or something, and I found out (which I would, because MJ keeps nothing from me) I would probably go WAY out of my way to make sure that he or she knew exactly where I stand on sharing of my Dom.

Let me say, for us it is a lot more complicated than a pure D/s relationship. We are married and we have very young children. MJ cannot just put his foot down and say that because he is the Dom here he gets to decide with whom he plays. Our marriage will always come first, before D/s or all that. Are they related? Yes. Are they intertwined? Yes. Can they be separated under some circumstances? Yes. We were husband and wife long before we became Master and slave. Because of that and my prickly feelings towards most forms of consensual infidelity, MJ would never consent to playing with anyone unless he had total and complete encouragement from me. If some of you want to think that we are backwards and I am not a good sub or something, Fuck You. It really is a moot point anyway, because MJ would never choose to play with anyone other than me if it meant upsetting the balance of our relationship.

Now, my feelings aside. If you are a submissive and you wish to play with someone else's Dom, get to know them as a couple. This also applies to switches and so forth. Get to know the people, and get a feel for their relationship. Then you should approach them when they are together. Ask the Dom if they would be interested in play, provided that it was ok with the submissive. Depending on how their relationship works, the Dom may speak to their sub privately about it before giving you an answer. Don't try to pressure either of them to say yes, and be respectful if the answer is no. Just because your request is rejected, don't take it personally. They just might not be open to playing with anyone other than each other.

If one partner is a switch and he or she invites you to bottom for them and they are a submissive in their primary relationship, just ask them upfront if their Dom will be ok with the arrangement. If they are keeping it a secret from their primary play partner you may want to rethink playing with them at all. That goes for all situations. Don't get caught up in some kind of screwed up situation between another couple.

So, share with me! Leave me some LONG comments to explain your thoughts.

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