Not A Happy Submissive
Sigh, one hectic weekend down, one more to go.
I don't want to reduce myself to a sniveling submissive, whimpering her displeasure at things beyond her control.
But this is my blog, so you'd better sit down.
For two people in such a wonderful marriage, and who are so totally in sync with each other on almost everything, MJ and I are lacking in the BDSM department these days. We are just so busy, and everything is getting in the way. Neither of us has time or energy at the same moment, one is always too tired, too preoccupied, you name it.
How I miss the feel of my collar around my neck. The sharp pain of MJ's hand landing on my up-turned rear end. I even miss the dreadful ping-pong paddle that I so detest. Mostly I miss the feelings, the nervous anticipation, the deep fulfillment that I get when he dominates me in the way that he does.
Of course there is still plenty of domination going around in this house. Just more subtle, and rarely involving any of my favorite implements. Recently he has become far more aggressive with holding my throat during foreplay and sex. In the beginning I could tell that he was hesitant, but now it is so much rougher, more serious. There have been times that I couldn't swallow or breath, and I think back on those moments now and I marvel at how it made me feel. So far, few things can make me feel so spacey and submissive. I am beginning to understand the allure of breath play. I feel totally safe with MJ, not a moment of panic or fear has ever occurred. I know that he would never harm me. Rough me up and leave some bruises, sure, but never would he cause me serious harm.
Over the weekend I acquired one of those plastic rods that are on horizontal blinds for windows. You know what I am talking about, you use them to open or close the blinds. I have heard that they can be a marvelous substitute for a traditional rattan cane. We have yet to test it out, but I am hoping it won't be too far away.
Ah well, there is plenty of time I suppose. Once the kids are grown and move away... LOL. Hopefully I will not have to wait that long.