Monday, July 04, 2005
Life's A Dance

Recently I have been thinking on the nature of submission. Not just mine, but submission in general (from what I have read and talked about with other subs and Doms).

There are as many kinds of submission as there are submissives. Each finds his or her own balance in the dance of surrendering to another person. Sometimes toes are stepped on, sometimes the steps change, the music shifts, or you find a new partner. But for those of us who have a deep need for submission, the dance continues, even if we are just spectating longingly from the side lines.

Personally I try to be as obedient as possible when I am wearing my 'submissive hat' (we can all relate to changing gears between being mother, housewife, employee, boss, etc). Sometimes I will engage in playful bratting, because I enjoy the power struggle involved in being 'forced' to submit. I try to be good as much as the next gal, but even I have days where I slip into full-blown bitch mode. MJ and I haven't really worked out a D/s related way to deal with those moments. I am a very self-aware person, so I usually do something to snap myself out of it as soon as I realize I am being crankier than necessary.

We sort of dabbled with the idea of trying Domestic Discipline (also known as DD), but we quickly realized that it just will not work with our present life circumstances. Nor are we much interested in that particular aspect of the lifestyle. Not to say that MJ cannot punish me whenever he wishes, we just don't bother with scheduled spankings or spanking as a deterrent of bad behavior. That said, MJ still reserves the right to put me over his knee for whatever reason he chooses. He has far more horrifying ways of inflicting punishment on me (so awful I will not mention them right now). He prefers to reserve spankings and so forth for erotic playtime.

Even though vanilla life has gotten in the way (and will continue to for some time) lately, we seem to have struck a kind of comfortable, everyday D/s state. I don't need MJ to tie me up and flog me into euphoria in order for me to feel owned by him. I have come to feel owned by him all the time. He reinforces it continually, with a few well-chosen words, a tug of my hair, or a playful swat of my rear end. They are not obvious things, but we both know what they symbolize and that is enough to keep us happy between the euphoric floggings/paddlings/whatever her chooses to use on me.

Some people are not selective in their submission. They simply feel the drive to submit, and are able to do so with multiple play partners. I have my own theories on this practice, including the suspicion that they are never fully able to submit during casual play, which is totally normal, and to be expected. My submission is not broad-spectrum, it is focused solely on MJ. I have no desire to submit to anyone but him, although I may not object to bondage/discipline play with someone else, given the right circumstances. But no one else can make me want to give over my entire being; only my husband holds that strange and wonderful power over me.

We dance a strange dance, and we don't always know all the right steps, and sometimes we step on each others toes, but the dance continues, and I hope that it never stops.

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